Advaita: Yes, my friend had also rejected his religious upbringings to become an atheist which has also led to his nihilism. I myself did something similar although I switched to agnosticism pretty quickly (I recognized that atheism is just another belief). I did find myself going down a very selfish road but my morality at the time did not see anything wrong with it - although I finally saw myself as being less happy and decided to change things by investigating spirituality.

Montana: Yeah, I struggle with this myself. I tried to be careful and not force anything upon him. Something similar to MBT itself - it's there if you are interested and ask for it. I stressed him to not believe or disbelieve anything I say.

kroran: Definitely... tailor your communication to the people you are with.

Jeff: Thanks, I'll take a look at those. That's what initially got me into MBT - the scientific bent to the videos.

skorum: That is indeed a sad story. Thanks for sharing it. I definitely think there are some people that you cannot help directly and the best (most loving) thing you can do for them is to leave them alone, because if you stick around you end up doing more damage than good.

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Mike

Yes, it is the saddest thing I have ever experienced, and I have many sad experiences. It has troubled my PMR mind greatly. Hopefully this is worth it in NPMR. I really don't know how this works, I haven't been able to reach as deep states as before the relationship.

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Traveling towards the home of high-distilled pure crystalized loosh, to become Love.

msagansk - I have had many such conversations with my friends. I look at it as perhaps the LCS has brought us together to give me a chance to evaluate what I think when challenged and to give the other person a nudge to look for something else.

Most people ignore the nudge and go on their merry way. That's OK - they will get other nudges. A few have really changed based upon the things I've told them and the videos they've watched. Only one has actually read MBT.

Sainbury, that's true and something I did not mention. The conversations definitely made me evaluate my own thoughts because he challenged me on many of my statements. So it was helpful for me too!

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Mike

I would question the value of the perception of "deep states" and not use this as a measure of anything

if you are a person of significance, quality wise, life at your age should be rather an opening to the storm of life, rather than quiet, and meal of many food groups and lots of indigestion

I am sure she gave you lots of data and intensity to process, and drew the monk off the mountain, and something likely intended this for you - and she likely benefited from this as well

you provided her a test, and she provided you a test

now, if you told me you married the girl and had a kid with her...perhaps we would be having a different conversation - did you behave honorably? did you break a promise? if not, let it go

strong FWAUs have a tendency to take on project relationships, which I would advise against - would spending your life on this lost cause be the best, highest use for your incarnation?

that being said, spending a life trying to care for and heal someone with profound weakness, is not a waste of a life, if you are bound by duty, through the system choosing you, or through a commitment you have made

also beware of girls that are super hot, but crazy or have severely deficient left hemispheres or frontal cortexes - this is trading the pleasure of 2 months of sexual excitement, for a lifetime of misery, or other wreckage - people of similar profiles should mate...they will enjoy the same stuff...that being said, there are always work arounds, after the fact

looks to me that your guardian angels set you up to be innoculated against the high entropy sex trap

this of course has nothing to do with quality, which is operating on a separate paradigm - persons with little mental faculty or impulse control, can just as easily be low entropy, in what matters.

the dumb crack addict faces the same paradigm of right and wrong decisions in that arena of play, and may be playing better than you or I regarding what really matters- and you will recall you-know-who said prostitutes and drunkards are often closer to the kingdom than the priests.

so get that girl off your mind, and start to visualize with intent, the suitable girl that will drag you up, in every way, rather than drag you down, and think about what she is doing now, and where you might find her practising her low entropy arts, and how will you recognize her.

how do we recognize low entropy in another?

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Does this PMR make my butt look big?

As in before the relationship, I had no problems of relaxing and letting my brain fall in to sweet blankets of synchronization.
Now I find myself being frustrated not being able to let go of the noise (left brain thinking)
Being in that state makes it easier so see things more clearly, effectively and beneficially.


Now I would like to question how you know how my life should be at this age. I have always found myself not being interested in many things as others in my age. Now there are probably many reasons for this. I have experienced a very stormy life so far.


Yes, very much data. It would seem that I haven't processed it all yet.


Does marriage make it different? Do you love someone more just because you are married? I have never experienced anything touching me so very deeply as this. If I would know how, I would let it go right away.


Very interesting that you speak of this. I remember thinking much about this. I couldn't really make up my mind if I would spend my life trying to help her or not. What triggered the decision was a situation that made me realize that my incarnation probably has another meaning than trying to help this, as you say, lost cause.


Yes, she is hot. In my eyes superhot, because simply having her in front of me made everything look so much more beautiful.
It was never about sex, even though I felt strongly attracted to her in this way. She was raped. Sex was not a priority for her, it was rather otherwise. I respected this.


Thank you for these last ones kroeran. I will reflect about this. I appreciate it.

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Traveling towards the home of high-distilled pure crystalized loosh, to become Love.

I just think in principle, to be single and in your twenties, this is the time for taking chances, working through bad relationships, heartbreak, doing challenging things you are afraid of, failing a lot, experiencing strong emotions, learning how to live with strong emotions...I think you are piloting your FWAU just right...I think serenity is overrated

Marriage may have become merely a romantic gesture in the popular culture, but it is essentially a left hemi contract, and a low entropy FWAU will feel the moral weight of that contract should the primal and spiritual connection be severed, so don't enter such a contract lightly and try real hard to avoid making a kid with someone you are not sure about, real sure.

I get the sex angle and I say you are not truly in love if sex dominates the relationship, but infatuation with hot crazy chicks/hunks is the other addiction. Jeez, I am typing this with one finger as the other hand is rubbing my wifes foot!

the thing is, being in love as you were and are, is likely the biggest thing you will have encountered in life...and yet, this part of your life and the decisions you are making is 100 times bigger than you realize, and you will be restless until you replace her with the one, or maybe the second

I expect you to discard what doesn't fit, just trying to open your decision space

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Does this PMR make my butt look big?

Since I started reading MBT, I have tried to face any fear I met, jumping in to the situation with an explorer-attitude. If I hadn't, I would never have allowed myself to keep meeting her. All my friends and other people warned me, that I shouldn't see her. That she is a liar, that she will eat me alive and so on. I was like "yeah, yeah. I will still explore this, and see what I will learn from it." At first I guess I was only attracted to her because of her looks, but after a while I found myself actually liking her, and it grew stronger.
I KNEW that I was throwing myself into something I didn't know much about. I didn't know how strongly it would afffect me though.

I agree with you, kroeran.
She once asked me if wanted a kid. I felt this strong feeling that this was a serious question, and I said no, I don't want a kid. She asked me why and so on, I explained to her that I think bringing a kid to this world means much more than having a kid simply because I want one. I told her that you don't know what kind of personality will come, and that I am not sure if I could handle it while this world is as it is, with the economic situation and so on. I could tell she never thought of these kind of things, and that she mostly felt she wanted one because of a biological clock ticking.
The more I think about it, the more I seem to appreciate to have a low entropy relationship. I have always thought that I don't wan't a boring relationship, but I guess of one the many things I learned and am learning is that I should re-evaluate my thoughts of what boring is. As you said, she drew the monk out of the mountain, and I guess I needed this lecture.

I am not discarding anything you wrote here, it all seems wise and true.

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Traveling towards the home of high-distilled pure crystalized loosh, to become Love.

Just an accessory idea here....

We tend to assume that our current "incarnation event" is entirely about ourselves.

Things may instead be so construed that, at any particular time, the trail that a person is on is primarily about the self ... and at other times, s/he may be functioning primarily as a support actor in someone else's learning event. ... so maybe, during some periods, one is more "a husband" than a self, or more a 'friend', or even, and antagonist, than a self. These relative strengths of purpose can vary from situation to situation, such that at times our primary doing is strictly to support the narrative of the drama in which we find ourselves only peripherally involved. Later that day, maybe entirely alone, or in some other drama, role-salience may change entirely.

It can happen that if you are really "in the flow of the universe" <Makes Joan Rivers' gagging gesture to utter so California-esque a statement/> you will find yourself running with all sorts of humans that judgment would ordinarily have steered you well clear of.

Montana

yeah, sandwich #46 - the "lets have a kid to fix this relationship sub-routine" you passed!

the Bahai's have a good rule - you can't marry someone your parents don't approve of! Maybe TOEism could have a rule that you can't marry someone without five friends signing off on it!

believe me, you want boring. You want a boring significant other relationship, you want a boring way to pay the rent, and you want a boring savings and investment plan. that being said, people have to learn the hard way and don't take advice.

where it is not boring, is that you share common interests, like the same crap on television, mock the same things, laugh at the same things, have similar taste in travel, similar practical goals...so not a boring person, but a boring relationship with little drama, well, once the fire burns down,

same for career - what ends up being fun is the problem solving and task planning and execution, the interpersonal relationships...there is enough drama that goes with that

money - be boring, pay down debt, stash money in your tax free house and boring government guaranteed instruments, and trust no-one with serious money, especially relatives...but treat small social loans, of anything, as gifts

thats your "boring" core

then maybe have a few entertaining "wild" friends who are not in a position to mess up your core, and take a few flyers with small stakes of money, play poker with small money, be a bit of a dilletante with your fun interests, take off the tie on Friday and go naked bungee jumping or whatever (write crazy stuff on a the website of a quantum cult ; -))...be a weekend warrior....cautiously walk through open doors that fate provides you, with an eye to your escape route

and if you can pull that off, you can start to carefully dream some big dreams, and start really building your "bank account" on the other side, if you are efficient enough to achieve boredom, that is

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Does this PMR make my butt look big?

I think the key is, who do you talk to through the peep hole, and who do you let inside the fortress

and figuring out who are the trojan horses - wolves in sheeps clothing, (and sheep in wolves clothing)

boredom will of course push us into things, sometimes helpfully, sometimes not

screwing up is always educational

part of self modification is facing boredom directly, and dealing with it logically, rather than impulsively

like Tom says, do you want to be in the back seat or trunk on this journey, or do you want to be at the steering wheel

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Does this PMR make my butt look big?

I haven't thought about it in this way. Just more proof that I have more beliefs than my ego would appreciate.
I have been in more of a "I should stick to the same behaviour as before", or "I said this, so I should stay the course" instead of embracing or accepting the change of role. I see now that it is important to do so, otherwise one might find it limiting to have the above quoted (not your quote) kind of thinking.

This state of being comes and goes from time to time. I think many if not most people are afraid of it.

kroeran, you're a funny guy =)
You should write a TOEism Book of Rules. Haha.

This get-a-boring-life is all new to my way of thinking, and I really don't know what to comment atm, except that I am glad of having this to think about. Somehow, it seems this was what was required for me to be able to move on.

Don't you just love it when you think about how some kind of thought came to mind (like me getting the thought of registering on this forum, even though it was a long time ago I was reading MBT (I forgot it in my old apartment, and I haven't even read all of it)) and the thought lead to various positive things. Not the best explanation here, english isn't my mother language, but hopefully you get the point.

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Traveling towards the home of high-distilled pure crystalized loosh, to become Love.

Those could be nudges. ;)
Love to you and yours,
Bette

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All That Is
what is?
Consciousness.

Sometimes LCS-nudges can be felt directly as what it is, and sometimes you miss them totally (I sometimes see this in others) and sometimes you just aren't sure. I wonder if there is some kind of technique for sorting it out when unsure.
Love to you and yours too =)

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Traveling towards the home of high-distilled pure crystalized loosh, to become Love.

Thanks.
Experience I suppose. :)
Love
Bette

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All That Is
what is?
Consciousness.