Yesterday i realized how much i was unaware of how much i think.. how time passes completly differantly when u think and when ur in the now
and how hard it is to stay in the now...
i saw the blimp sort of.
i clearly see my conscious evolution, seprating things that werent seperate before because i couldnt conciously observe them in my mind..
im starting to understand the concept of time and what it really is. still have alot of things to do but i feel like yesterday i passed a cap but it might cause me some harm cause now i think i know even more than my friends and egoisticly act upon this knowlegde. somthing im gonna have to work seriously on
i also realised how much people must be in differant time phases or oscillations then others based on there everyday activities and life etc..
before thoughts were somthing i was completley unaware of, i thought i knew what thoughts were but just bairley.
i can see how i was in automatic unaware mode and how its so not obvious that most people are like this..
the passed 6 months, activity in NMPR got very very intense until i started noticing that i never thought that much before and started establishing states such NMPR and PMR
yesterday for som reason i clearly saw where all this was going but lost grip onces again of the intense information i was percieving...
i feel like this is when the fun is going to start... im getting much better meditation experiences, realize the thoughts that are coming threw and stop them and return to pmr at will.
cleary see that there is a In here state and a out there state
when before it was all going on but unconsiously... im just so thankful for all this as i clearly see my effort has finaly paid off into somthing concrete when before i didnt really know what i was trying to do...
10 months ago i realized that my internal model of reality was based on BS, unconditioning had already started, as i questioned further and further i acctually lost my since of good bad, up down, superstition.. while life was continuing the feedback and fundamental process washed all that out as i slowly applied a new internal model based on experience, i slowly feel like im emerging from this dark period :D
and the truth feels gooddddd!
its been a long road full of beliefs and doubt until now, and not a easy one especially for the weak minded. i feel like i have a more concreit since of whats going on.
i still have ego issues though
i just wanted to share this with people
another checkpoint on my path
now i have to refine my communication skills to efficianly communicate with friends etc...
reminds me of the history of civilization, i feel like iv just passed the dark ages in europe and now experiencing a fresh renaissance. knowing things started evolving fast after that, im readdy for som good times :D