Tom's model explains and derives what Sabby just said.
The metaphor used is that of a virtual reality like we know it from computer games for instance.
Whether there is a particle or not is fundamentally and only about the availability of information.
There is neighter waves nor particles, there is no screen and no physical observer - everything physical is "virtual".
It does take some time to grasp the double slit experiments.This here is helpful information.
There is more useful info at that site when you are done with the above ;)
Some ways to express it:
A tree falls in a woods and there is noone there to hear it. Did it make a sound?
The answer from the virtual reality perspective is: no
because there is no tree ... it's just information (not available in this case)
... there is no spoon!
Try the link :)