Virtual Reality is going to be big I think getting in on the ground floor would seem proactive. :)
Love
Bette

we currently live within reasonable proximity to the grandparents. they however all work and cannot provide daycare.

i realize the entry level thing is part of the "gateway" into some companies. the 2 entry level jobs i did make the cut on however were 1.5 hours away by car, and the same by public transport. the pays were day rates of 150 bucks, for 10 hours of work, which is... agh, ghastly when considering the commutes. i would have gone and stuck them out if i thought we could swing the finances, but reality is, we're running a very thin budget. we would have been knocked out financially after a month.

the medical imaging, i think will be the next thing i work on. i have the idea now of depicting the surgery of placing tubes in the eardrum, and the effects. we'll see when i get around to it.

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i've come to some conclusions over the last week or so about my career. i thought back, way back, to when i stated down this path, and my original goal WAS to work from home as a designer. i didn't want to work at a studio at the time, until i started getting caught up in learning about the field. my original plan, or dream from probably 6 years ago was to work form home, own my own business, and build websites. i taught myself basic website design at the time, and decided it was not something i was excited about. i eventually moved into 3D, form the perspective that i wanted to "work on videogames." this opinion was formed from doing QA testing on flash games for about 2 years. i learned i liked the art, and the design process involved. QA suited me, but i learned all i could in the field in that time. i became disinterested with that aspect, but interested in learning other aspects. i still stuck it out for the pay however. it was then i thought i wanted to assist in creating games, thus the entry of myself into school for 3d...

after school, i pursued game studios in my area and outside, then advertising firms, then architectural firms, then film in that order. i eventually found myself doing freelance out of necessity. in freelance, i have found i like the variety of work, and the "wearing of many hats." talking with people i have met in the field of games, i have learned that 3D in games is a bit.. dry. there's not a lot of lateral design involved. it's mostly top-down and directed. the result is you can spend years making rocks, cars, or other things. if in animation, the same, you make thousands of walk/run cycles. this has tempered my search a bit learning about this. i have focused on freelance as a result. this decision was not known to me consciously i think. i sort of "gave up" the search for these jobs when i started getting excited about some of the contracts available for freelance, and after some conversations with acquaintances in the field.

what i don't like about freelance NOW, is the pay, and the quality of the jobs i'm working on. i seem to need to work on a project i care about, to derive satisfaction. the end product has to be something i'm proud of participating in. i'm currently finishing up some work on 2 iphone apps. they are boring, uninspired and dry programs with no inherent "vision." they're essentially disposable things. these projects, and ones like it in the past have sort of soured the taste of 3d freelancing in my mouth. i don't really like working on them, as i know my effort will be contributing to something pretty "lame."

in my searches for projects, i've seen some really great ones that i would LOVE to be part of, but could not land the gig. i've sort of forgotten about this. THERE'S STUFF I WANT TO DO IN FREELANCE! i just can't get it. or have not been able to get it in the past. i've sort of falsely surmised that it's impossible for me to do so, because of the hundreds of instances where i have not.

i've concluded that there must be an issue with my website. my shit just isn't "up to snuff" to get those gigs i want. my focus should be on tearing my site and demreel apart and building them back up anew. as is, if i were to look at my representative website, i can see that the content is good quality, but the presentation is bland, or unimpressive when matched up against a firm's site. i have to go back into flash and kick some stuff around, and come up with some impressive presentation options...

looking at my competition, those that land good gigs, are design or art firms. not individuals. their sites are mostly awesome, with many interactive elements, and testimonials. there's not much in there displaying technical aptitude of the members, it's all flash and bang and "impress," instead of demonstration. mine has little interactivity, and little testimonials. my site is still mostly geared to getting a "job" than it is attracting clients. i display my technical aptitude on the site, in with my creative stuff. if my plan is to freelance this bitch, i need to get rid of that as well, and focus on the creative stuff. clients don't care or even know enough about the field to comprehend the technical content i have on there. i have in my demoreel a breakdown of the wireframe of a car, and a room, as well as a breakdown of the texturing elements of a character. to a client's eyes, this is meaningless and unimpressive, as they really don't understand it. to a recruiter or HR, or an art lead, it speaks well though of my aptitude.

if i'm to get good contracts, i have to make a firm-like site, not a "employee" like site.

this sofar seems to be the most straightforward line for me. the thing blocking my progress to achieve what i believe i want to achieve, is determined. it's luckily just one or two things as far as i can tell now, my representative website and demoreel. this makes me feel a bit better about my situation.

my ultimate "dream" goal has seemed to coalesce into the following: work form home, buy a house in a semi rural area with lots of land on the cheap. learn about carpentry and masonry, and improve upon it. the only unknown here is my wife. she's got a good job where she is. to achieve the "dream" she would have to find a job in that semi-rural area of equivalent cost of living pay. she has not talked much about finding a different job or much along that line. we're expecting our 3rd child this summer, so things will have to wait for a while on that effect. in that time, i can re-make my website and reel, and work on some better representative content to target a client's eyes...

i suspect that with my current workload it will take mayb 2 months to achieve that... mayb 3 depending on how much more i have to learn about flash to achieve what i ultimately come up with.

there's also the FEAR of the unknown in here. the thought of supporting a family on the transient elements of freelance is a bit frightening. it's a hurdle, and it is one i have come to the conclusion as something that is holding me back form pursuing it. i tell myself i "don't want to freelance," and a large part of that is the fear of this unknown income. what will i do between projects? what will happen to my family if i can't make enough money one month? what will happen if i can't land enough in a year? what will happen if i make a lot in one month, and over project my earnings and get into a hole the next couple months? on and on and on... it's scary. i don't currently know how to overcome this thought. it is as far as i can tell, one of the larger elements holding me back within myself. the onyl way i can conceive if "fixing" this fear, is having my wife have a steady paychck substantial enough to pay a mortgage and bills, and my income being supplemental and used towards college funds, home improvement, and acquisition of house assets... but that's asking a LOT from her. i can't foresee this being a reality as well, as her field is a bit specific as well, and finding something that she's doing now somewhere in a cheap cost of living area may be difficult. also there's the pride. i'm male, and that means i make the money for the roof over the heads and the food on the table, and all that... also, as said earlier, that's asking for a lot form my wife, to ave all that on her shoulders while i get the freedom of not having that responsibility on my shoulders. it wouldn't be fair. so... i guess short of a functional solution to my fear, i'm left having to face it...

You may be overweighting the importance of getting meaning from your work. I would switch it around to accepting that this is what the invisible hand is asking for, so thats what you give them, as efficiently as possible.

And do creative cool stuff on spec on the side, throw up a YouTube video and go viral

And then you shift to getting your meaning from your interactions, and the quality of your performance there.

Maybe take a hard look at your expenses, do you need high end cable, can you find cheaper cell contracts, cut your landline, cook more from scratch, shop at dollar stores and Walmart?

Could you use this skill to promote MBTOE? Get some karma credits with the system?

Would not natural feathers lay more flatly to the surface contours of the body, unless the bird was deliberately ruffling or fluffing its feathers?

Would not the head and neck just be a much smaller version of the feathers used on the body, with appropriate colors. They might look flat and slick, but they would actually be feathers.

Hi!

I found this via Gnaural's Facebook page which has highlighted this thread.

The following is just what I gathered based on your description and may be way off the mark.

The second vision you had was rather interesting. I believe it was communicating in metaphor.

The throne room, where you mentioned a throne but no occupant, could indicate an absence of some sort. So could space, but that could also mean your subconscious giving you what you need(more Space!).

The elephant could be telling you that what you seek isn't where you expect to find it, and the bird could be telling you that where it is could be scary(the initial form) and perhaps could lead you to prejudge that it would be painful when in reality it isn't(being bitten). Lesson: don't judge by past experiences or initial reactions; they may be wrong.

Also, maybe the bird didn't want a literal image of itself, but perhaps you are to paint that image on the canvas of your life. Remember, the beak was the only thing 'real' about this bird. Nothing else mattered. This, perhaps, was to focus you on what the beak could teach you.

You stated that the bird's beak was fine, pointed, surgical and efficient, while yours was broad and axe-like. Have you ever heard of someone referring to overkill as 'performing surgery with a hatchet'? Maybe your subconscious is telling you that you should take a finer approach.

The color blue here has several different possible meanings, but I believe it could be used in the sense of blue ribbons or chips(meaning success).

Putting it all together, you will have to adopt the heron's beak in all its glory and connotations if you are to become an entrepreneur(feasting on blue fish) rather than an employee(feasting on bones), even though that, at first, may seem scary and uncomfortable.