I am eagre to know whether in accordance with this moral code, or general MBT ethical preactice, the action of playing dating 'games' would be considred manipulation of another? I know this may seem a trivial issue perhaps in the grand scheme of things but it is one that I can really not get my head around. So for the purpose of greater clarity i will provide an example: You meet a girl who you quite like and you think the feelings may be recipricated although she is doing a good job of playing it cool; would it then be an intent of manipulation if upon recieving a text message from her you refrain from replying right away with the intention of 'playing it cool' so that she does not think that you are too desperate for her affection, and in turn becomes more interested in you? If you like the person with genuine intent, is shielding the nature of your true feelings or perhaps playing them down in order to provoke a subsequent, expected and desired reaction from the other party equal to an action of manipulative intent? That is my question and i believe it is a tricky one although Im hoping someone could shed some light on it? :) Thanks very much
what an astute and sensitive question!
there is of course no absolute right and wrong regarding behavior, and the more fundamental question to ask is what is your general intent regarding this girl, and is this intent consistent with her expectations
are you looking for a win win in this situation or are you looking to take something, and end up disappointing the other person
at a certain age, the ebb and flow of creating short term emotional attachments and figuring out how the sex thing works is appropriate and the gaming elements are understood by both parties, or are in the process of being entrained and mapped
[persons of lower innate quality and effective cultural firmware will be very locked down in terms of rules and caution in this area of their lives, even at a very young age - others will learn from their feedback and seeing teenage colleagues getting mushed by PMR and NPMR feedback]
at the older end of the normally singledom bell curve, the expectations and rules may shift, and parties learn how to signal expectations and negotiate - so the implicit ground rules for 16 will be different than for 26
its also one thing if you are "courting" a person from your area and culture, and something else if you are crossing boundries of social class, first generation immigrant nationality, religion where practised, or continents - signalling and negotiations is more complex
so this is the general context in my opinion based on lots of data regarding macro intent
what remains is tactics - I think to a certain extent, means do justify ends, if the girl is likely to not feel cheated with the end result and long term game, so a big part of this is doing an audit of her global intent
you have to ask yourself, what is her game, and is my intent consistent with it, or am I using deception to create an emotional trap, in order to extract sex, which would be constraining and manipulating her decision space, to get something for you, and take something from her
most importantly, what emotional feedback do you get from this particular behavior? MBTOE is not a thing of law, it is a model of how you are actually constructed
I think this general dating thing of not calling back right away has several levels. One aspect of it is that it is part of the cultural matrix of appropriate behavior and a way to signal if you have any impulse control. I always come back my little trifurcate model of primal, practical and poetic, especially with this.
So you see someone, and even before they talk, the primal attraction is establishing itself, or not, especially regarding the male viewing the female, and an initial interest is triggered. Beyond this, there is a whole mapping process that begins whereby the male is asking himself if this female is going to be worth the trouble and the female begins her due diligence...does he have a car, does he own or rent, how would he look in a tux at an alter....and so on, if there is an operational left hemisphere deployed, which may not be the case.
so not texting back can be part of this process of signalling that you know the social rules, have impulse control, it is an indicator of your level of pragmaticism or your left hemispheric and frontal cortex capacity - there is also the issue of each person asking the question of where this person is in the partnering market, value-wise.
we each have an implicit price in the mating market based on our physical appearance and our potential for bringing material goods into the potential partnership. Generally, men weight physical appearance more than money, and generally, women rate material potential more than physical appearance, or at least more so than men. Why this is the case and whether it is right or wrong is separate discussion.
so not texting back right away is part of this Arab market aspect of courting and establishing value in the eyes of our opponent - and the girl is in a way an opponent in this process, up to the point of an offer of marriage and acceptance,...
at which point, these swords are turned away from each other, and are turned upon the world, protecting each others back, for those with sufficient quality to adopt and stick to this historically proven configuration.
depending on your skill and personal confidence, you can also start "off roading" culturally, and take a more direct approach, and just tell her how you feel, and what you want, directly ask what she wants, with radical bluntness...stripped of attachment (in the Buddhist sense) and neurosis - but this is a question of tactics and how her firmware software is configured and whether communciation can be established at that level - people are fundamentally lonely standing behind all these games and false fronts, and radical honesty can be a powerful attractant, especially if the target is of low entropy and your intent is loving
the third leg of the stool is the poetic aspect of the potential liaison or match, and some FWAUs will be assessing the potential partner's Quality of Conciousness, sensitivity, and to some extent creativity which overlaps. Indicators of this aspect are creative credentials (working on a novel for example) and how the person treats animals or FWAUs in a lessor position in the PMR pecking order. That hot guy with the cool car who treats you nice but abuses his employees, dogs and waitress staff, will be abusing you 2 years into the marriage or shack up.
in the bigger PMR picture, this process, and how effective you are at it, is 100 times more important than you think it is
an effective eros match is a fountain of clean water that you drink from for as much as 80 years, and an ineffective match is like living your life from a poisoned water well in the desert - and the impact is like a pebble in a pond, reaching out into the family and community, and down the generations.