This is either written by Tom or Ted, I don't know, but in my opinion this is the absolute best ego definition
The Freudian definition of ego is not quite as adequate as the following:
Ego (ego) -- the sense of self defined in terms of separation and differentiation from others -- is a result of fear.
The sense of self defined in terms of oneness with others is not called ego and is not a result of fear.
In our culture, a sense of self defined in terms of oneness with others and All That Is – is practically non-existent, both in fact and in concept, consequently, "ego" by common usage is the sense of self-defined in terms of separation and differentiation from others. And, the sense of self defined in terms of oneness
with others is not given a name since it does not exist in our collective reality.
This definition (the way I use the word, ego) subsumes the common psychological definition of ego -- the sense
of "I" as a separate individual.
The word "separate" logically implies "others", i.e., relative to, or contrasted/compared with, other individuals.
Ego is the "I" in counterpoint to "you" and "them". The ego describes unique individual existence among other unique individuals in terms of relationship to those individuals.
Ego is about me -- me in juxtaposition/relation to others -- thus ego is represented by an inward pointing arrow (pointing toward me). How does that affect me? "Me" is the subject and object of ego.
Love is about others.
Thus Love is represented by an outward pointing arrow (pointing toward others). Ego is fear based. The unnamed antithesis of ego is love based. Ego is generated in reaction to fear (me in contention with them).
Ego is a strategy, a device, to ensure that dealing with interactions with myself and others is positive for me - it is about what you get. Love is about what you give. Love, being about giving unconditionally to others, requires fearlessness. Conditions are needed to allay fears.
If it is about "me" (I love me), then it is ego, not love. Some fear and ego is more debilitating and dysfunctional than other fear and ego. Fear can even be "helpful" in some situations -- the fear of being caught and punished may prevent horrendous fear based crimes from being committed.
Fear of wasting your precious time during this experience packet may push you to improve your consciousness quality. Fear of generating even more fear (and a more debilitating fear) by dwelling on your faults and thus damaging your self-esteem (positive assessment
of "me") may lead you to look for what you define as the positive in yourself -- and you may call this "learning to love yourself" but it is all machinations of trying to transmute more dysfunctional fear and ego into less dysfunctional fear and ego in order to help pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
Sometimes it is very helpful for leading in the right direction, and sometimes hurtful for leading toward greater dysfunction and greater and more destructive fear.
You are a complex being - the result of all previous intents and choices -- your day to day choices and strategies toward growth as you interact with others are not always so black and white and straightforwardly simple as the underlying fundamental principles.
That is why understanding consciousness evolution - e.g., love, fear, and ego is so intellectually easy but so frustratingly difficult to actualize in the present moment.
The fear of rejection is actually a fear of being inadequate, unacceptable, unworthy, and not good enough. One
fears rejection because one believes that one is inadequate and wishes to hide from that belief. The ego comes to the self's defense and convinces the self that it doesn't really want or need what might end up rejecting us and that those who might reject our self are flawed undesirable beings.
Rejection (feeling pain because of being rejected) is simply ego feeling sorry for itself -- such an ego will create convenient beliefs to prevent rejection from happening again.
Fear often does boil down to an avoidance of physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. For the most part, fear is a reaction to an imagined pain (imagined negative circumstances). That makes it doubly interesting that fear is the direct cause of almost all emotional and spiritual pain and is the major contributor to most of the world's
physical pain as well. Consequently, it is our fear of pain that creates almost all of our pain.
Fear has the unusual property that it manifests itself into physical form. What you fear generally comes true sooner or later. For example, the fear of being unlovable or inadequate tends to make you act in such a way as to make you unlovable and inadequate. The stronger the fear the more likely that what you fear will manifest in
your reality. The power of negative thinking.
Love has the same power.
That is why the more you give, the more you get -- and the more you take, the less you have. The lower your entropy, the more satisfying, happy, and joyful your life becomes. The higher your entropy the more miserable, unhappy, and unsatisfied you are.
When I said: "the more you give, the more you get -- and the more you take, the less you have". I was not talking about love directly but indirectly. Within this context, giving to others is an expression of love. The loving intent expressed as giving reaps its own rewards whether love is returned or not. The arrow of your caring is pointed from you toward others. Likewise, within this context, forcibly taking, tricking, demanding, wanting, or needing something from others is an expression of ego. Ego is an expression of fear. The arrow of
your caring is pointed toward you from others.
Needs and fears are a fact of our lives. Some have their utility and serve a useful function within our imperfect world. All of us would be better off if we and the situations we have generated for ourselves found no utility or useful function for the fear in our lives.
The fear, needs, wants, and requirements of our ego as well as our embedded entanglements with the fear, needs, wants, and requirements of others is a large part of our daily lives. This is the stuff out of which our opportunities to be better flow.
Simply rejecting your fearful self and surroundings and entanglements is not the solution, or the way of growth. Applying your intention and free will within the ego soup you improve your own quality of consciousness and to provide an environment that helps others improve theirs is the way of love.
One does not succeed by dropping out, but by dropping in. One does not grow by disengaging from the fearful world or disentangling from the limited reality of others -- one grows by interacting wisely and lovingly within the environment one has created for oneself.
The fears and needs of our everyday existence represent the challenges we have to work with - one should not
think of them a negative, evil, or bad things to be avoided, rather as challenges to be met. Dealing effectively
with them, reducing them, and overcoming them for ourselves and for others define the PMR virtual reality game we are enrolled in. The point of being here is to learn and grow - not to be perfect. Feeling flawed or guilty because you are not perfect is counterproductive, useless and silly. That you have fear, needs, wants, and ego is not nearly as important as how you deal with them - how affectively you learn and grow from the opportunities they represent.
Specific ego issues and specific fears belong to the experience packet that generated them and thus disappear when one leaves that experience packet. However, one's consciousness quality is more or less continuous from one experience packet to the next. The level of that quality from the last experience packet generally determines
how prone you are to developing new specific ego and fear interactions within the next experience packet.
Love is the answer!