Some social insight on how compliments are used to cause disorder as an offensive strategy.

I've been studying social skills and psychology for a long time and there's a counter intuitive insight I'd like to share. I'm not saying this is right, it's completely immoral! But knowing about this often overlooked offensive strategy in social mechanics can help you better defend yourself against it when you are targeted (by not being reactive)

Typically, you see this in battle/sports. You give the enemy a compliment, and his attention draws away from the battle/game and becomes focused on his satiated ego - even if only a smidgen, it's enough to give you an edge...because his attention is fractionated. It's also disarming, you become vulnerable to a potential attack....... your attention is busy caressing your ego from that compliment you've just been given. "Yeah, that's right, I am a great ballplayer/soldier"

You also see this at social gatherings, like bars, clubs and school, where the "battle" is when guys are directly and indirectly competing for women. For example, a guy might compliment you on your shirt or say how good you are at xyz. Getting reactive (through body language, people will know) establishes social assumptions to all involved that are unproductive to "getting the girl..." which is why it's a strategy in the first place. Had you of accepted the compliment in an "unreactive" way, the social situation for "getting the girl" would be in your favor. Being unreactive conveys confidence, among other things...

I'm not saying all compliments are bad, the key thing is in recognizing the person's intent to throw your attention off balance. And the other key thing is you don't let yourself get all cloudy when you get complimented, whether the other person's intent was benign or malign because the disorder caused could be your undoing (or the fact that you simply overlook something important in real time)

Interesting post willmeister.

I would go further to say any negative attack or anger thrown your way will do the same....throw you off balance. I have a problem when people are insensitive to me, or others. Or even if they cut me off in traffic...my anger swells up. (Ego reaction) And I throw anger back at them. Perhaps both compliments/anger are two sides to the same emotional coin? When in fact it is better to be balanced...not engage or invest too much into a compliment or anger. Rather just be aware of the moment and watch what happens inside of you. Don't grasp at the emotion and identify with it.

My experience anyway...what brought this issue up for you willmeister?

Cheers,
Mark

_________________
Write down your dreams. They are your myths.

I am being given an opportunity to not react to complete BS being thrown at me by the agency that is suppose to be an advocate for Arthur. I am failing as each contact creates such a storm of frustration in me that it makes me physically sick, and is ruining my life at this second. I simply gave a look to this person put in my life to learn from, and she called the police on me. The police came to my house. She, and her higher ups are denying they called them while n the same sentence saying the police did not come to their office, and also that they didn't know anything about that. Basically she said yes, no, and maybe to them having called the police on me for a look. Now they have hand delivered a report with obvious intent to have us lose what help they do give us as an agency for the disabled by only putting part of the information gleaned at the meeting we had. I have to meet with this agency again now to clear this up...I'm not going unless there is a supervisor there, and I wish I had someone on our side to take.

I should probably wear sun glasses too.
Love
Bette

_________________
All That Is
what is?
Consciousness.

Tough day to stay balanced Bette.

I'm hoping your afternoon and evening go better. Don't let them pull you down.

Much love to you and Arthur.

Mark

_________________
Write down your dreams. They are your myths.

Willmeister,

Flattery has always been a tool used by people to disarm others in social and competitive situations. Have you ever heard someone called a "flatterer"? This is not a compliment. You should also realize that flattery will only be affective if you are part of the competition. Some social situations can become a frenzied competition for the opposite sex. Whenever I found myself in the middle of one of these "feeding frenzies" I would usually back off and let the "sharks" have their "chum". Especially when it came to the opposite sex, I would never get into a competition. After all it has to be a kind of mutual attraction where the female would look past other males and give me a sign of mutual attraction. In my experience, if a potential partner is mostly impressed with big muscles or perfect looks then she will have many other prospects bigger and prettier than me, so she probably would not be my type anyway.

Anger is another useful tool for disarming an opponent. If you have ever read Sun Tsu's "The Art of War", you will see that it is proven to be effective in upsetting an opponent through the use of anger, Thereby causing your enemy to break "formation" and compromise his strategy.

Again, I would prefer to avoid the combat (or competition) altogether, if possible.

_________________
LOVE is the answer

peace
patrick

In the theater of battle, athletic competition and womanizing..... be wary of the intent of flatterer?

_________________
Shut up and meditate

Dictators and tyrants down the ages have known and used the power of flattery. Hitler was exceptionally adept at it. People who may otherwise have led blameless lives can be lured, by their flattered ego, into being party to the worst of atrocities, even if indirectly. Albert Speer for example, a cultured, apparently civilised man, flattered by Hitler by being chosen as his personal architect, and becoming the nearest thing to a friend of the dictator, finished up as his very able armaments minister, using slave labour to achieve the munitions targets against all odds. He escaped the post-war hangman's noose by accepting full responsibility, but simultaneously claiming he knew nothing of the atrocities (a claim which recent revelations have proved false). His final years were spent in trying to sell this plea not only to the world (a world desparate to believe in just one 'good nazi'), but also to himself.

Arthur

_________________
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

Thank you for enlightening us WillMeister. My ego really loves compliments, in fact the saying "Flattery will get you everywhere" is pretty appropriate for me. I love how you said being unreactive conveys confidence, that is what I would like to portray, in a small-ego sort of way. So instead of being dazzled by the pretty words, I would like to be able to sort of nod and smile a little and respond with something like "I'm glad you think so" or something equally non-reactive and get on with the conversation or the battle or the game or whatever I and the complimenter are engaged in at the time.

Excellent thread, thank you for starting it!

Lynda