randy, when i told my mom i was typing up this experience she asked me why i had to type it. my first thought was EGO!! i didn't say that though. i didn't know what to say. one of the few times i needed ego to devise a quick answer and it was MIA. she pulled my card and all i had to offer was silence:P after a few seconds of painful exposure time i gave her some half-baked reply. i forget what the reply was, but it doesn't really matter because the point i want to make here is that i wasn't sure how much good -if any at all- would come out of starting a thread around a document that was conceived out of ego. i am glad your last post proved this thread to be productive.
at minimum your post will probably cause me to look into an online writing class. it would be a good way to constructively occupy my time.
maybe I should quit while I am ahead
I would think the last thing you have to worry about is ego, at least in this sense
there is nothing wrong with taking your circumstances and resources and doing something profound
with it, and taking pride
in that, ...developing your personal dignity, building up your existential infrastructure so that you can some day not drink...and be less and less a burden to your mother, at least psychologically, and move toward a change agent in PMR, possibly a very significant change agent
for myself, my take is that we are trifurcated entities, with physical/R-complex, mental-Ego and spiritual dimensions - and I think this egolessness concept can be taken too far, or beyond our actual quality...to the point that you are afraid to make any splash whatsoever...beyond a certain point it is entropic timidity...perhaps we don't have just the right words to dissect this in english
more importantly, I doubt you have any idea how inspiring, what you have already said
, and what you could further say and do, how inspiring that could be to this local population and beyond, and to wake FWAUs up to their feedback loop, and to promote TOEism. This is in the possible future database
. Your intent decides whether to try to actualize, or whether it will pass into the unactualized database.
write a book, get on Oprah, get a girlfriend like Hawking, buy your mom a big house, become a big deal
- dream big
look very carefully at the mental scripts, possibly negative and self limiting, planted in your mind by your mother and family - not to get angry or judgemental - I am sure your mom is very heroic - just to be aware of influences
sometimes these negative and self limiting scripts, layered on top of an inherently talented FWAU, creates a destructive tension that leads to the initial downward spiral of vice...like a firmware hardware mismatch
I call this the tragedy of the working class genius