willy_wallace wrote:
I know intellectually most people respond favorably to someone being social and authentic.
I remember being 4-5 years old, being totally spontaneous and sociable with people I just met, not giving a damn if I was going to be liked or not (in fact, when you are a child you just “assume” you are going to be liked, it never occurs to you that the contrary is possible). Is it impossible to come back to that place being an adult, and having been most of my life not really sociable?
The first option I consider is to force myself into lots of experiences meeting new people, until my brain “feels” most of times I am accepted and liked being just who I am. Kind of “brute force” method.
In the last monts, I have been reading a couple of books (“Emotional Clearing”, “The Holotropic Mind”) about bringing to your consciousness repressed emotions (from bad experiencies in your childhood, etc.), with the goal of "clearing" them with your attention and acceptance and make them disappear. Breathing and meditation tecniques are used. That would be my second option, probably complementary to the first one. Is it possible to make those repressed negative emotions asociated to meeting new people disappear?
I’d like to know about experiences and suggestions of people with knowledge about these methods, wich ones have work the best for you, good practical books you can recommend, what has been your experience, etc.
Thanks a lot for reading!
Hiya Willy~
"I know intellectually most people respond favorably to someone being social and authentic."Um, generally, this is not my observation. Being honest open and direct with people generally scares them shitless, even if all the contents of the interaction are 'positive, upbeat and encouraging'. They are at once intimidated at a mostly unconscious level, trying to avoid the awareness of the feeling that' someone else is coming across way cooler than I am' (unless, of course, they are open, honest and direct as well, which would be the beginning of a solid friendship). Generally, you can only get away with it if you are a toddler, 'retarded' (sorry, don't know the current PC form of this term) or an animal.
"Is it impossible to come back to that place being an adult,"Yes, but take with it the caveat above. How do you get there? Well, in general, any thing or process or change that has the property of being a 'de-programming agent' used in conjunction with a genuine interest in something, should help. Deprogramming agents tend to be anything that disrupts your automatic process of labeling/recognizing the 'world' either outside or inside yourself. So, practically speaking, a relocation to an (for you) exotic climate and/or culture will loosen you up for sure, a change in career or interests; a lack of input (sensory deprivation), specially so directed hypnosis, certain chemistries, some of which are still legal. "A genuine interest in something" is what you do well to direct your attention toward when/as you shake the other stuff off.... relatively neutral items work best in this era... something like taking a fascination in crystal growing (they really are fascinating when you are no longer imprisoned within a rigid outlook), or growing plants, or studying stars, weather, math, etc.
The first option I consider is to force myself into lots of experiences meeting new people, until my brain “feels” most of times I am accepted and liked being just who I am. Kind of “brute force” method.Just a rough guess here, but in this era, more than 90% of others' reaction to your presence is
about them. You know, you come up in Jan's sensory field. She registers that you are a person and that you are there and all.... but mostly she, in as much as she is awake (most of us wander around half asleep most of the time), is concerned about her own affairs: obligations, insecurities, varying existential pressures, etc). That is, 90% of Jan's response to you is about Jan. Not you. When you really 'get' that fact, it is like suddenly realizing that... oh, what is a common experience.... say you are trying to parallel park and keep screwing it up.... then you realize that no one is watching so what the hell! ...well it is like that.... pretty much, no one is watching, they are on automatic pilot or concerned with their own affairs ... if you just act like you believe in yourself that whatever you happen to be doing is perfectly fine, they will automatically go along with it. So things are more comfortable then, once you adjust to the idea of living in a world of zombies, that is.
"
I’d like to know about experiences and suggestions of people with knowledge about these methods, wich ones have work the best for you, good practical books you can recommend, what has been your experience, etc."This is one of the areas where Art way outclasses cool, crisp expository writing. That said, I seem to be drawing a blank for really good art works that are ideal for this kind of transport. Anything with really good humor is medicinal and tonic. Exposing yourself to any film that high-lights human interactions featuring resilience and integrity should help. The film "Fried Green Tomatoes" keeps popping in mind at the moment... a good film but emotionally (needle-in-the-red-zone) intense. Damn, I am just drawing a blank here mostly. Maybe other boardies will chime in with their ideas of tonic films.
Montana
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