In the Test- PASSED! (A place to share your "tests") thread in the Spiritual and personal growth part of the forum I inserted the question asking if anybody would take the time to hear me my story. So far I have found support I did not dare to hope for from the forum, since normally the spiritual is not a topic that can easily be discussed in every day life. Since my spiritual journey began I have been almost completely alone; more often than not, doubting myself and my experiences, and even for a short time fearing I was going insane. But I am finally coming to accept that perhaps it wasn't all my imagination. I surely wouldn't have been able to get this far without Thomas Campbell.

I am not proud of how I got this far. I consider myself very lucky. I will tell you everything I think I should, and hope that it will in some way help me, help you, or at least facilitate conversation and mutual support. That is my intention. And to at least feel less alone. I'll try to keep it short as possible, although I have a lot I want to share.

-

A Normal Life

As a citizen of the Maltese republic, one of the smallest countries in the world, I was born into a quiet, safe and unassuming life on a small island in the middle of the Mediterranean. I grew up in Germany but returned to Malta by the time I was a teenager. I was always a devout believer, but I realised that my religion had a lot of cultural baggage. I could not bring myself to believe that non-Christians would go to hell. I did not think God, if there was one, could be limited by beliefs or culture, or could be that cruel or blind.

So I was open to the bigger picture. But not having any experience of the bigger picture, I guess it just made me an open-minded Christian.

Then I went to Amsterdam for my 18th birthday. Oh boy.


So it begins

Amsterdam is where I consider my spiritual journey to have begun. Like I said earlier, I am not proud of how I got where I am to be today. But I don't regret anything either.

I went to Amsterdam with a couple of friends and just wanted to experiment for a bit before going back home to my unassuming, normal life. I had no prior history of drug use, but I wanted a little adventure. So I tried a psychedelic called Hawaiian Baby Woodrose.

The drug alters the way you think. It lowers your mental barriers and defences and brings you face to face with that which you have ignored. It makes you observant. You can 'see into people's souls', noticing everything about them that you would never normally notice.

I walked the streets of Amsterdam seeing all these frightened, angry people. All of them were putting on an act. Very few of them were genuinely happy to be where they were. But they were in pursuit of some idealized idea of happiness and it showed through plain as day that they were miserable and blind. I was given a new understanding of how people worked.

And I also realised my own flaws, my misdeeds and I understood how terrible all the bad things I ever done were. It was a revolutionary night that opened my eyes to the very basics of what makes people tick.


The Power of Insecurity

The drug, as I said earlier, gives you the ability to understand people on a very, very powerful level. It also destroys your own inhibitors, mentally. That means it can make you into a very, very powerful individual. You know exactly how to get your way, and people can sense that power. It is incredible.

Unfortunately, the fearlessness I had gained was used for selfishness and underlying it I was still extremely afraid of a lot of things. I was living a lie. Bit by bit my rampage slowed to a halt and everything fell apart around me like a deck of cards. People saw through my charade. I even got dumped, and that was that. I had learned a lesson.


NPMR To the Rescue

But the drug had also given me other experiences. Those same few months there were many times I would sit with my friend, who would also be on it, and we would discuss aspects of the Nature of Reality that blew our minds.

I remember vividly how during the Christmas holidays we sat down on the beach, looking out across the dark ocean and up at the stars. There were fireworks behind us. And we sat there, having a conversation that was part verbal and part telepathic. We were receiving information, then. In my head I was told that reality could be symbolized like the sun, and that all was One.

That symbolism was one of my first validations, because I remember reading about Neoplatonism shortly after on Wikipedia, and seeing reality described using a picture of the sun.

Our discussion were the first steps into understanding NPMR.

Shortly after I started to come off the drug, Fate led me to download a great deal of random ebooks. Amongst those ebooks were, 'coincidentally', Robert Monroe's trilogy and Robert Bruce's Astral Dynamics. They fascinated me, giving me a context to start understanding my experiences.

I began to practice meditation and to attempt astral projection.

I remember lying down on my bedroom floor and imagining invisible tendrils running over the soles of my feet, trying to stimulate an energy flow up my body. And to my amazement, I began to feel things. I felt the tendrils and I began to feel vibrations. And I read about the vibrations in the books! So I had to be on to something! I practised and I practised and I got far enough that I could lie in bed and feel like I was on a swing.

Images, hopes and dreams filled my mind that Spring. I dreamed of exploring the multiverse and learning the secrets of reality. I forgot about my social life and was happy to stay home and learn more about NPMR. I remember being at my grandparents and sitting upright, feeling the vibrations. The only time I did not feel vibrations back then was perhaps when I was walking.

But I even reached a point where I was walking and feeling dizzy, almost like as if I was in a dream. Vibrations, vibrations and flashes of light, colours and strange dreams.


First OBE?

Then it happened. It was purely an accident, but it happened. I woke up one morning and promptly began to fall asleep again. But I had rehearsed the movements so many times, that I 'rolled out' of my body.

I hit the ground. And blackness overcame me. A split second later, I was no longer in my room. I was not even on Earth. Or in this universe. I was in a White Void. An immense White Void that did not have the spatial dimensions of the physical. Despite the lack of comprehension of space, I still felt like a tiny insect... an insect who had just wandered into a parallel universe.

There was whispering going right over my head. The whispering was coming from beings, and it was also coming from everywhere. The beings paid no attention to me. I was far too tiny and unimportant; a momentary guest, a mere blip on the radar. I was afraid. I did not know how to navigate this reality. But more than fear, I felt excitement and fascination.

Then something distracted me. A noise. I opened my eyes. I was back on Earth.


The Decline

I was ecstatic. Finally! I had the proof I needed! Reality was just like Robert Monroe described it!

I told one of my best friends, who was receptive.

But then doubts began to creep in. Somebody who was also into astral projection told me online that it might have been a dream.

I broke down. After months of effort, had I just had a mere dream? With the benefit of hindsight, I know that what I felt was no mere dream. But nonetheless, that was the beginning of the end for me. I had crashed.

Slowly but surely, I lost the vibrations. I could not control my astral projection, and so it began to go away. Day by day, week by week, month by month my enthusiasm died as I gradually lost everything I had gained.

I still had random lucid dreams or incursions into the unknown. In one episode I remembered being pulled back in a projection and these beings giving me a jumble of information. The information was that I would do badly in my exams and get rejected from university, but that I would then get in anyway. That was exactly what happened over the following months.


Doubts, Despite New Frontiers

By the time I got into university the old flare of adventure had died out. I still practised meditation, but I only did it before bed and it never led to anything. Life went on. The physical became more important for a while.

On the side, I continued to read about the esoteric. I read the Ra books and My Big TOE.

But my excitement waned over time and I realised that knowledge in of itself was worthless. Experience had to back it up. Growth had to be on a real tangible level, not an intellectual level. This is a realisation I came to over time.

I discarded the Ra books and stuck with My Big TOE and eventually Seth.

By Spring, the time of NPMR happenings, I was to try the drugs from Amsterdam again.


An Old Friend

A friend I had made at university wanted to try the drugs. I also felt like 'Fate' had brought me into contact with him, since he was the first person who came close to being able to relate to me about NPMR.

The experience we had on the drugs was the most intense I have ever had so far. Two things of true note happened.

One was that I felt I was suddenly brushing against the consciousness of an IMMENSE, ADVANCED and POWERFUL being. It was a feeling that was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. It was literally otherwordly. The being did not consider me important or noteworthy, but it had some advice for me, possibly having stumbled across me or vice versa.

It was that I was over-thinking and over-analysing in my quest for Truth. I was approaching spiritual development from the wrong angle. A god had spoken.

When I went home, I also came to the most important conclusion of my life. I realised that all human beings want, the only thing they want, is to be loved and accepted. Suddenly, EVERYTHING made sense. Why people acted the way they do finally clicked into place. It reminded me of Amsterdam, in a sense. In Amsterdam I saw people going out and not having fun, pretending and acting - and I realised why. It was because they wanted to be loved. They were doing what they thought they had to do to find acceptance and warmth and light. They were just really, really bad at it!

As soon as I realised the importance of love, an immense energy hit my forehead. It was a blazing light. Suddenly, a kaleidoscope superimposed itself over my vision. It was energy of love and powerful and Truth. The light intensified on my forehead and my Third Eye began to yawn open, like a forced action.

I was so desperate to keep my Third Eye open that it gradually closed again, going back to sleep. Exhausted, I eventually fell asleep.


Depression, Nihilism and Denial

But I also learned another valuable lesson. Spiritual experiences faded, and once they were gone, all my old problems came back. My old fears, my old insecurities, my old doubts. They were all there waiting for me once the drug wore off.

So normal life resumed. I had several excruciating confrontations with my pride, as I received a guest from home. She was a girl I 'loved' for four years, who never returned my affection. She had come to visit me at university and stay with me for a week. Her feelings had not changed. It was a very painful realisation, and I felt used. I think she just used me for free accommodation to explore where I was living. I had an argument with her and I came to a crossroads. I had a choice to make.

I could either kick her out or swallow my pride and do the opposite of what she probably expected. Even if she had used me, I could prove her low opinion of me wrong by treating her like royalty and making sure she enjoyed her stay. So I dressed up, made her a lavish dinner and she enjoyed her stay.

Once that was over more tests came and life went on. Gradually, however, due to my lack of ability to explore NPMR I came to wonder if NPMR was actually just a delusion that manifested itself under drugs.

I was so afraid of death, deep down, that I knew I would have to leave the comforts of Robert Monroe's books behind me. Whether they were true or not, I first had to come to terms with the possibility that death was the end.

I was depressed for a very long time. I saw no meaning in life, and often considered confronting death on my own terms. I wanted to die. But somehow I went on. I loved my family and I had a lot to live for.

I visited an old relative in Jerusalem, facing my worst fears in a hospital of the terminally ill. I saw strength in the people who worked there and I learned that even the worst things could be faced with dignity.

Alan Watts also taught me that even if death is the end, then it doesn't make me any less One with the universe. So in that sense, death really isn't the end, even if Atheism is correct.


Back into the Game

I had quit the drugs. I had quit them for a while, in a way. But there were a few times I came back to them simply because I had curious friends who I had shown the entrance to NPMR.

One friend learned of NPMR with a particularly fascinating experience - telepathy. We were lying on the beach in complete silence, and the feeling entered my head that I had connected to her on a fundamental level, a telepathic one. I could communicate with her non-verbally. So instantly, she turns around and asks me (physically) "What are you thinking?!"
And I said "Telepathy".
She was amazed.

I have many stories like that. Along the way I've opened the eyes of at least two or three people to the possibilities implied by consciousness. I am still in contact with them today, and feel like I am their guide, in a sense. I have talked them through fearful situations and have helped them take their first steps into NPMR. I've quit the drugs but I don't regret them, and I know that these friends would not have become aware of the implications behind consciousness unless they had taken the drugs.

A lot of my life seems to have been planned out with sheer coincidence being unlikely. I am sure that the drugs were an intended nudge into NPMR and that I was meant to take them. Having learned my lesson from them, I don't need them any more and I can't learn anything more from them.


How MBT Affected Me

Once I had overcome my fear of death after Israel, I began to watch My Big TOE videos online. I continued on the path of spiritual development and improved my life through sheer willpower, confronting fears, lowering my entropy and practising meditation.

Tom even replied to me on Youtube, inspiring me to come to the forum.

I asked him:







And that's what he said. ^


Thanks

In conclusion, that's a very shoddy summary of how I came to be here. Recently I began to return to Thomas Campbell, because I feel he's the most trustworthy source of information on Reality I've ever come across. I am finally relatively happy and I am always learning new lessons.

Whatever may come, I will accept it and I can deal with it.

But I do hope that I will learn to master NPMR to an extent that I can be a teacher, because that is my life's aspiration. I want to show my father, who is afraid of old age and death, that he is in good hands and that he will always be loved. I want my sick grandmother to know that she was right to have faith in all things good, despite these chaotic times.

I felt like a failure in the past because I failed to astral project on my own terms. For some reason, the vibrations never returned in full strength like they had in the beginning. I don't know why that is. Beliefs, perhaps?

Also, I feel guilty about the drug use. But even then, I consider the drugs valuable tools, because they help me show others, who are willing to learn, the borders of NPMR and they become open to the bigger picture. I mean this in the context that Thomas Campbell said, that the only time he thought drugs were useful was when they created an experience that opens people up and then they stopped using the drugs after the experience.

In that sense, I don't know if I should continue to open peoples' eyes in this fashion in the future should 'Fate' put such people in my way. I consider the last person whose eyes I had opened not to have been coincidental, because she had done a lot of prior reading and only joined in on the experience by unlikely chance.

Nonetheless, I still feel guilty about having done the drugs at all. I don't know what to think. I feel terrible and dirty because the popular consensus is so dead-set against them that I feel like a bad guy. But I've come such a long way in two and a half years that it's incredible and whether drugs are bad or not, I wouldn't have progressed this quickly without the learning opportunities they created.

But regardless, thanks for bearing with me if you actually read this far. I am not sure I said what I wanted to or needed to, but that's my story. I've told it to only a few others before, and they don't understand what I have to say half as well as any of you do.

So thank you for being you.

Interesting post, Ade, and nicely written and laid out, if I may say.

You are free to let go of the guilt if you would like to. Here's a way: There's been billions and billions of people that have once lived or are now living on the planet. It happens that probably at least 99% of them have 'committed transgressions' that most would consider more severe than such ones as described above. If you must condemn yourself, what must you think then of the rest...?

:-)

I don't know if error-free people incarnate on earth at all.

If they do, the have to keep a very low profile, I would expect.

-Montana

Malta....most ancient island of the old sea, where you can experience the magnificent Italian culture in the English language. Never been, but on my bucket list.

behavior is not what counts, its intent.

when you first took drugs, what was your intent? Even if it rose to the level of nihilistic self-destruction, toss that guilt away, because the crap you do to yourself, does not really count - it is merely ineffectiveness, and ineffectiveness does not really matter at the fundamental, QoC level.

when you introduced others to drugs, what was your intent? Were you trying to drug girls to have sex with them? Where you being deceptive with mal intent? or was your intention to open them up to the bigger picture? What was your intent? Even if you had bad intent, it is essential to put the past in the past, forgive yourself, and focus on the road ahead, not on the rearview mirror. Begin the process of generating quality, when you are ready - do not cloud the next fork in the road with neurosis about the past. Redeem past guilt with exceptional decision making going forward.

now that you have been told by a credible source that drugs of this genre are a dangerous and ineffective tool, compared to other tools being offered, any of this should stop, as you say. To use or promote the path of drugs, having been informed by a credible source of its risks, having been guided to a safer more sustainable path, would likely be risking profound negative intent, and big step down in QoC. A review of Tom's postings on this would clarify the nuances in this regard, and there are nuances.

BTW...this focus you have on your own supposedly "bad" behavior...this is the fundamental marker of a relatively low entropy entity, so give yourself a pat on the back

==
slightly off topic - general rant, not directed at you

As far as recreational drugs, my advice is, look around, and if you see some old folks using alcohol or grass, and you see how they used the drug and you are comfortable with its impact on their lives, this would be a guide. Like, with alcohol, there is reason for the old rule of not drinking before 5 pm. Over the millenia, it has been established that most people can tolerate drinking in the evening hours, without causing problems. When you start drinking before 5, or alone, Houston, we have a problem. A similar set of cultural rules is likely forming around grass.

My personal rule is to only use alcohol socially, as part of celebration, or as part of a health regime (high flavonoid red wines). Never drink, or employ any vice to escape emotional discomfort. My data suggests rather to redirect emotional discomfort toward creative, spiritual or productive activity, through will power - inertia is deadly.

Tom's data and guidance is of course to steer away from any of this stuff, including caffeine, in order to establish as clear a connection as possible with the NPMR datastream.

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Does this PMR make my butt look big?

Thanks kroeran, that is exactly the sort of reply I was daring to hope for.

My intent was never, ever negative. I did not drug other people. I've only shared the drug with a couple of friends and that was always for the purpose of exploration, learning, discovery and some harmless fun.

The bit I mentioned at the top as regards my little rampage was a short period where I felt wronged by the world and used drugs to boost my confidence. But even then, my intent was never to hurt anybody. I was simply a little too arrogant, that's all, and was using the drugs in a way that had zero long-term benefits.

I am not a deceptive person. I've never stolen a single thing in my life and lying makes me very uncomfortable. I'm even trying to pursue a vegetarian diet because I feel bad for the way animals are bred to be killed, and I am the only person in my family who went all the way to Israel to visit my old auntie who had always wanted to be visited but never had been.

I try very hard to do what is right because I understand that the only true path to happiness includes everyone.

My escapade with the drugs has been productive, this I can safely say, and was always in relative moderation with the exception of the very beginning. I have put the drugs behind me completely because past a certain point I stopped learning anything new and they became a hindrance to my growth because I had started to rely on them.

My only question is if it would be wrong for me to use them in the following scenario:
I have a good friend who I learned to trust enough that I told him about my spiritual journey. This friend, to my surprise, was open-minded and excited enough to talk about the possibilities with me, and we discussed it on several occasions. But without a direct experience, a jolt, like the kind I had gone through, I doubt he will ever follow the same path as me as regards investigating NPMR. He is too sceptical. I don't blame him. Even I remain somewhat sceptic. But he's open-minded enough that he said he would be willing to do the drugs and take a look. (As a matter of interest, I'll also mention that he is from a Muslim family.)

On the other hand, writing the above brought me to realise that perhaps his path of spiritual evolution has nothing to do with exploration of NPMR. Perhaps I am meant to realise that I should do away with the drug forever and for good, which I would be perfectly happy to do and as I said, have already done, in a sense.

At this point as I write I have decided to tell him honestly that the drug is probably the wrong way to approach NPMR. But any feedback/encouragement would be appreciated, as always.

I'd go with the meditation first and then maybe drumming. Go without drugs first and give it enough time, months of practice. Then IF you go further go with plants based anything perhaps in the Rain Forest with a Shaman.
Love
Bette

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All That Is
what is?
Consciousness.

i am with Tom on this drug thing 100%, as he says drugs are very limiting, and in general are a bad idea. josh

for a period at least, I would suggest trying on the MBTOE "package", and avoiding all the mental bandwidth that an a la carte approach would involve. Part of the package is to work toward being drug free, including alcohol and caffeine, especially if you feel a little out of control of your life.

sometimes having a rigid fundamentalist approach to things is a good short hand for securing stability. Rather than introduce them to this drug, why not introduce them to the way of the TOE ; -)

my own struggle is with meat and meditation at this point, and I am making incremental progress. Caffeine will be my last challenge in becoming "MBTOE-compliant", ...and I believe it is inconsistent to have a mental practise of MBTOE without striving toward a behavioral practise aligned with Tom's guidance, freely given. ( ISO-~ )

For a "seeker" with a Muslim background, my first thought is to introduce them to Sufism, as a transition platform to a "mystical" model, but this would not be a TOEian impulse. We had a Sufi come through here a while back.

Have you looked into lucid dreams, OBE4U, binaural beats, Hemisync, or taken a long careful look at Tom's instructions regarding meditation in the Trilogy?

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Does this PMR make my butt look big?

Thank you Adepto for sharing your story. I can relate in that I too experimented a bit with drugs...wasted a lot of time with alcohol. From my personal experience, I see no benefit in using drugs -- I support Tom's contention that drugs are not helpful.....at least that has certainly been my experience. I think Bette's advice is spot on in terms of giving meditation a chance. I have found, over the past few years, great joy simply in being in control of myself and my behavior.

Also, I think kroeran comments are spot on -- if we were perfect, I doubt we'd be in the VR trainer....from what I am gleaming, movement towards change, decreasing entropy and becoming love is what is important, and from your comments, it is obvious that is what you are about...so I say "keep up the good work!"

I suppose my hesitation to introduce my friend to My Big TOE is that there's a lot of junk science out there; I'm thinking particularly about Creationists convinced that Evolution is a lie.

So he might far too easily group My Big TOE into that category if he does not have any first hand experience that might give him the benefit of the doubt. But I'll give it a try. He'll make his choices.

And indeed, Sufism is very interesting. I am particularly happy my university library has books about it. I'll use that analogy to approach him when I next bring it up.

Also, thanks to what Tom said I've cut all sugar out of my diet and I'm working on the meat.

But caffeine? Awwwwww man. We'll see, I guess the least I could do is cut down on. Or drink de-caff.




What I do want to insist on is that though drugs may be bad, I would not have ever gotten this far without them to kick start me. They provided me with so many growth opportunities. I would not have even realised drugs become a hindrance to growth unless I had taken drugs in the first place!

So I don't regret anything and wish that people could empathise with me about the path I took to get here. Simply because I had a learning process to go through and that was the way I chose to do it. It wasn't a damaging process. Not in the long run. I'm sure it would have been had I not learned the lessons I was provided with.

I am sorry Adepto if you felt I was being critical. That was not my intention nor would I even consider judging you. I just felt from your posting you were being hard on yourself and feeling guilty for past behavior, but maybe I misinterpreted what you were saying..... I can only speak from my own personal experiences, and for me, I have found no benefit from drugs, but I know that is not true for everyone...as you indicated. I am familiar with accounts of some fairly profound experiences being reported by individuals experimenting with all sorts of drugs....and your posts and experiences certainly attest to this....Again, Adepto thanks for sharing and my sincere apology if you felt I was being critical.

I think the broader question is how do you process data

like, a low entropy person can be sent to a death camp, and turn it to a profitable experience

a high entropy person can win the lottery, and turn it to an unprofitable experience

I think of it as "digestive health"

whether its drugs or sticking your head in a magnetic chamber (Tom did some really weird stuff), what is your intent?

are you an adult? Some FWAUs are "adult" at age 8, some don't achieve this at 80

carefully self assess this last one. How is your impulse control? Do you have an addictive personality?

if there are cookies in the house, a law stronger than gravity will draw them to my digestive system...so my point of control on this is at the grocery shelf

the rules for a very very self disciplined person are different, than for someone emotionally disorganized

most people you will interact with on a public forum would not rise to the bar of a sufficiently organized person to have a profitable drug experience - I believe this was Tom's point.

there is technical truth, the issue of you sorting through your guilt regarding drugs, but then there is the impact of your words on readers, especially readers who are higher entropy or much younger than you are.

repeating your mantra that drugs were a positive experience for you, may be technically true, but you have to start thinking about the impact of your words on those you interact with, increasingly calibrating your words to the entire room, and to the future probability database.

this is an example of how love trumps truth.

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Does this PMR make my butt look big?

talking about drugs on this forum looks to get very emotional, i agree with Tom on his stance on drugs, he is very very clear on that, i have noticed by reading past threads it does not go over very well here. people do not like to give up there cookies when they have such of a sweet tooth i guess. josh

Thanks for the thoughtful reply, kroeran. I shall take it to heart.

And josh, in my case at least, I wasn't defensive because I did not want to give up the drugs, which I did some time ago. But I just did not want to be judged for already having done them. Fear, I guess.

Whether I am high or low entropy doesn't really matter to me at the end of the day - because it is just a label. The answer is probably best left on a shelf - even if I had an objective answer, I can't imagine it being very helpful. I consider myself to be a friendly person, but I am extremely well-versed in my personal flaws and I have a lot to do. I am glad that at least, they are not problems with other people, just with myself. Fortunately, I am only twenty and have a lot of time to work on it. I just want to be happy. That's all.

Thanks everyone. You've helped me straighten out my thoughts and I feel less alone for having shared my story.

Ya,

The whole topic seems to get more emotionally invested in than it is worth.

Part of the problem is mainstream politics: "Drugs" is the new Red Scare: They lurk around every corner and up every alley like demons waiting to devour you, your children, and All That Is Good. Anyone with an atom of sense realizes that the political drum up has a good deal of nonsense in it, and then again you meet up with a real life meth-wreck, realize that probably the best medicine for that person is damned close to the Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck) solution, and so come to see that there are many sides to the issue even when the politics is removed.

Part of the reason that some drugs seem enlightening is that they apparently interfere with the automatic functioning of brain's process .... that very process set is the main thing, apparently, that keeps strongly entrenched belief systems solidly embedded in the psyche. That is, some drugs are pretty muscular deprogramming agents. I have no idea how things are today... but in 'the olden days' when people were introduced to pot, two things tended to happen pretty reliably .... there was a sense of awakening and freedom (natural enough ... you sort of get kicked out of your cultural trance to some extent), and there was an emotional release of all the pent up emotional energy that was bound into and restricted by the discombobulated belief systems: generally expressed as irrepressible laughter. This belief system interference was like a gush of oxygen back in the middle of the last century when Americans were being nearly force-fed a diet of consumerist-hyping, corporate driven world view by the newly evolved mass-media: If you weren't rich, tall, slender, fashionable, white, presbyterian, with a notable family background, and male, well, it was understood that you were less than perfect. Many people were trying to fit into a mold and belief system that just wasn't working.

Well, it would be easy to ramble on for hours, but Adepto, you might want to toss through some of the older threads.

As for coffee ... like sugar, they are not at all all the same. Some are brutal, others not so much. The thing to look at is: How sensitive are you to them now...? The more stable and refined your system becomes, the more it will register things like sugars, dyes, coffees, sulfites and whatever else, as sources of interference. And then when you realize that that is the case, you make fresh choices given that new understanding: Maybe the next morning, only three expressoes instead of the usual seven.

Evolving probably should never be thought of as having to fit into some one else's idea or model of "The Right Way To Do Things".... or pursued that way. Some people do better that way though, for the same reason that one is more likely to find one's way in an unfamiliar country using the maps of others. There are liabilities and benefits of using the maps of others: Almost like the currently unpolitic deprogramming agents, they should be used with lots of caution and only in moderation, when necessary at all.

Just my opinion.

Montana

very wise

Tom has mentioned that concern about entropy level dissipates as one becomes lower entropy - the issue of rank or status has no bearing in an egoless mind

pride of egolessness is itself an oxymoron

and obviously, being able to talk about this stuff has no bearing on being able to actually do this stuff

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Does this PMR make my butt look big?