Yesterday's conference in Atlanta was wonderful. I understand the role that pain plays in our life (basically fertilizer for growth), but how do we get in touch with our true nature so that we can be love when we have never truly experienced it in this life.

Hi Diane and welcome to Tom's MBT discussion forums. It's nice you've had the chance to meet Tom as he is very shiny in person. :) Love is the opposite to Fear here, in MBT and romantic love is a completely different animal. Which type are you speaking of here please?
Love (the opposite of Fear kind) to you and yours,
Bette

_________________
All That Is
what is?
Consciousness.

Diane,

You are just at the beginning of the path to understanding. Tom's lectures are great but there is only so much time and only so much information can be fitted in or remembered. Look around on the forums and also look at the Wiki. http://wiki.my-big-toe.com/index.php/Main_Page And there are many more links on the left side of the Wiki pages. Look around some more and then you will have better questions that will be easier to answer as not being so open ended. This is not just putting you off but a serious answer.

Welcome to the board.

Ted

I have just come to the point that hope is lost. I was born into a situation where I was unwanted and abused. I grew up holding onto my faith (religion) and lost that at age 25 due to a wake up call...failed marriage. The daughter from this marriage has a serious mental illness and as a result, has lost our grandaughter (who we loved as if she were our own). I have only discovered recently, the "love of my life"... my "best friend" of 30 years has kept a secret life from me which includes infidelity. I have lived my life trying to alleviate other's suffering, and even chose to work in the field of mental health as a counselor. At the age of 56, I am left looking at an empty life. That is why I pose the question, How do I get in touch with all that I am, so that it is enough? I am looking at the later years of my life and feel as though I have no love to look back upon, except the love I have given others. I know that seems selfish...but I am being honest. What/ who is there for me? I am sorry if this doesn't fall into a neat catagory, but I am sure others have felt the same.

Diane you stand at the beginning of a new life, really. I am 52, was abused as a child, and have had let's just say an interesting life. I don't think marriage is logical because it is making a promise to feel a specific emotion for only one person for a set amount of time, how romantic is that? And because of what occurred in your "trust" relationship. My dad cheated on my mom with me so it goes way back. I've lived a life avoiding marriage, and have 23 year old twins one of each with my boy having autism. I've been single a long time, but I have my boy and get to keep him. If not I'd probably feel a lot like you are feeling other than that trust issue you just got smashed with. I'm sorry that happened, but now you know? It sucks, I wish you didn't have to feel this. It wasn't YOU though, it was others doing high entropy activity and choices. It takes two as well as cheaters have to cheat with someone. I do know that becoming anti-romantic type Love seeking and just not being interested in a "relationship" has become a habit now. It's a lot easier. I wish you luck in getting into your life of honesty and open-minded skepticism.
Love
Bette

_________________
All That Is
what is?
Consciousness.

Diane,

First it is my opinion that you have come to the right place. What you are describing is yourself as a relatively low entropy, high Quality of Consciousness experience. You have said very little, but the key part is "I have lived my life trying to alleviate other's suffering, and even chose to work in the field of mental health as a counselor." In very short terms, the principles of MBT are that you reduce your entropy and improve your QoC by the quality of your interactions with others. Not that you have a happy time but that you preserve the free will of others as I interpret your quoted statement.

Now as to coming into contact with "all that I am", the first part is meditation. Going into the quietness that with more or less difficulty you can find within yourself. People have been doing this ever since there were people. There are discussion on the board of techniques and also of using binary beat technology as an aid if and as necessary or desired. You do not have to experience OOBs and traveling around in NPMR. That can actually be distracting. Basically you are reaching for the point of silence where you can announce, "I'm here waiting, where are you?" and have the low background noise level, the silence, to hear the answer. Intend not just for any or some answer, but contact with guidance and the Larger Consciousness System as it might be called. You want only true, quality response, as there are those who will mess with you if you are open to just anything. But you have the ability inherently to exclude that just by intending that it be so.

When you start opening yourself to what is out there, you can likely find all sorts of new and enlightening things happening. Synchronicity. Things you notice that are not 'normal' and were intended for you to notice. This is highly variable and individual. If all you have is the love that you have given to others, then you really have all that there is to have. For the moment, I do not know how to take this further. The end of your world, as you are thinking of it, is actually the beginning of your world. We just need to know enough to show you where and for you to see where to 'hook on' to it.

Ted

Bette and Ted,
Thank you both for your thoughtful and helpful answers. You are right. The answers aren't in the love we receive from others. And...this life has certainly been very painful from the start. I do need to learn how to meditate. I have attempted in the past and not gotten far with it. I've tried listening to guided meditation on cds and dvds and even purchased and tried hemisync as well. None of these seemed to work. The closest I've come to the feeling of oneness with the all, is while enjoying nature. I can sit on my front porch and look at the trees and birds and the rest of the world falls away. My habit of running through my catalogue of memories can stop for short periods. I can feel a great love at those moments. I also met the "all" in my grandaughter's eyes. I just struggle daily with so much pain and grief. Ted, thank you again for your insight. I think that your recommendation may actually be my best solution. I will definitely look into which method works for me.
This is where the rubber hits the road. It hurts too much to live in fear all of the time.

Diane,

your life is not empty. You loved people, even if they finally betrayed you. It hurts, their dishonesty hurts, but not Love. Love includes sandess too. It feels to me, that you have learned your many lessons and keep learning. Life is not easy for you, but there is Russian proverb - one that's been caned is worth two that haven't (this is the best translation I was able to find).

You are not responsible for what others do, think or decide. You help them as much, as you can, but they have free will and make their choices. Making interests of others as a priority is a gift and sign of a mature experienced soul or, in MBT terms, IOUC. You did and do your best, but others live their life according to their abilities and an entropy level. Don't regret how you've lived your life. 56 is not an old age. You are not a young girl anymore, but you might facing another 30 years of productive life.

Lena

_________________
'Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.' Confucius.

Lena,
Thank you for your thoughtful response. I have emailed a response to you. I would like to thank everyone for your input and kindness. It has made all the difference!
Diane

Diane,

I checked my email. I have not received your email.

You can send me private message here on BB. At a bottom of each post you can see 3 buttons: profile, pm, email. Click on PM button and you will have another screen, where your can write a private message. After that you finished writing, you can press Preview to check your text and make changes to it, or you can press Submit. You message will be send to an addressee.

Lena

_________________
'Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.' Confucius.

Dear Lena,
Sorry the email did not make it. I could not retrieve it either. I wanted to let you know that I appreciated your words and agree. Like Tom said, it's not about receiving love- it's about giving it. I have caused myself much grief contemplating life's unfairness and painful memories. When I am in that space, life appears to have no meaning. Instead, life's meaning is what I can contribute. Not in a prideful way, but it does put things in perspective. I'm sure there will be many more chanllenges to come. I'll continue to study and reach out for support spiritually. Wonderful individuals like those I am meeting here have truly helped. Thanks again.
Much love to you and yours,
Diane

Diane,

we all have bad and good times. PMR is a learning lab, and in a learning environment pain and suffering caused by mistakes should be expected. I am aware, that talking about pain experienced by others is much easy, than to live through it. One can bring up all good theories, philosophy and smart examples, but they are not the same, as a personal experience.

Today I was given a good thought. There is no such a thing as a bad experience. Experience cannot be 'bad' or 'good'. What we make of it is important. Have we our lesson learned or not? The answer isn't coming from a logical analysis, but from the inner realisation, and what was puzzling you for a long time all over sudden becomes cristal clear, and this puzzle is solved.

Of course, life hurts, and most of us have our share of pain. Sometimes we have to almost physically pull ourselves by a bootstrap, to get up and move forward.

Lena

_________________
'Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.' Confucius.

Dear Lena,
" PMR is a learning lab" PMR certainly is. It is interesting that the very issues that I seek daily to assist others with, are the ones that I face. I see suffering daily... tremendous suffering (I work at a state psychiatric facility). I always try to provide unconditional positive regard to folks who often deal with varying degrees of self loathing. My hope is that I can alleviate that self hatred for even a brief period of time and assist the individual in feeling that he or she is of value. The truth is that I also share that struggle. That's why I am working towards understanding who I truly am- as well as where I fit in it all.

You mentioned that there is no "good" or "bad" experience. My feelings tell me otherwise, but I think, understanding more fully the bigger picture will take me out of my learned judgements. I want so much to understand what reality is. I have finally started the TOE trilogy today. Last weekend's conference was just the beginning. I am looking to grow in wisdom/ knowledge, so that I can see things the way they really are. For now, I feel like I am just peeking into reality. I do know that how I've always seen things to this point is not working.

Thank you so much for your feedback and support.
Diane

Hi Diane,

Tough and psychically toxic work environment, make sure to create time and place to give yourself things and experiences that rejuvenate.

One of the "BIG" lessons of this world, as i understand it, is to learn, as part of your existence or presence, to be and broadcast a sort of 'chord of emotion' intentionally, somewhat as a star might be imagined to incarnate with a particular spectra in mind. One keeps and broadcasts this mood as a part of one's being, as we might on the physical plane wear a particular habit of clothing. One no longer uses the personal emotional mechanism for fielding reactions to outer input in the way we are currently familiar with. A big part of getting there is realizing that certain transcedant emotional attitude positions even exist. The next step is selecting among them the ones you would take to heart, so to speak.

The viscious brutality of this world actually can be thought to make a good back-drop for this kind of growth; if you can do it here, you can maybe do it anywhere, and these energies can be big medicine in a lot of realms.

Anyway, it is a lesson I am grappling with, sloppily enough, myself, this go-round.

Welcome to the group,

Montana

Hi Diane.

I think this book might help you in understanding your own pain and suffering and how to deal with it in a meaningful way. It has been given many times as an example of how you can grow as a loving being despite being in a hostile environment.

http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meani ... or+meaning - Man's Search for Meaning - Victor Frankl