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PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:40 am 
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Curious what members here may contribute to my situation. I have always felt I married the "wrong" person, I have always had a knowing of how my spouse should make me feel, how my spouse should look physically, and that is not the person I am married to. There were actually two occasions where out of a crowd I did not recognize the person I am married to, as if my mind went right past and onto the next person. Add to this many reoccurring dreams where I am with "the One", and it is total connection and love.

I know better than to place the emphasis on PMR attributes, however, the emotional aspect (for me) seems to be the greater truth. I have been working on unconditional love, but all the time the feeling in the background is not right.

Would my higher self crafted this situation for a purpose??


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:09 am 
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Quote:
“Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.”

― John Greenleaf Whittier
None of us can tell you what might have been planned or if this feeling is just buyers remorse. Do the best that you can with the present arrangement. It does not so far seem like a good or adequate basis for 'switching horses in mid stream'. It is so far just a thought without actually being aware of such a specific person except as possibly passing in a crowd, unknown, as I understand what you say. You actually run a risk of destroying present arrangements by just posting this here, although you are hidden by an obscure enough avatar, as long as hubby has no access to your computer.

Ted


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 11:45 am 
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Hi R22

The first thing I seem to want to say is that you cannot get it wrong.

The second, is everything has a purpose. What are you thinking the purpose might be? (are you seeing something?

*

There is a stone I have been in search of for 5 years. A smokey quartz. I know exactly what it looks like, what it feels like. who it is. The stone is clear as clear can be in my awareness. But I can't find it. I keep looking. looking. In the process of looking I am intersecting with many others. so exquisite. I can't imagine a life now without them. Yesterday it dawned on me, with the help of another, the reason the smokey quartz is in my awareness is TO keep me looking. To get me to the places where I am intersecting with the others.

Life is rich. don't miss out on a minute of it. Adore everything (everyone in your experience with you. Every difference in spin is here for a reason. Often a refinement needing to take place. One day mine will arrive me at my smokey quartz. As yours will arrive you at your person.

Adore the process. (ride the wave. brilliantly. as you are.


Casey


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 11:46 am 
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For the most part the "ideal mate" is something made up by romantics. There are a few people that have this kind of relationship. My parents had this kind of a relationship. But it wasn't so much that the perfect couple found each other, but that they loved each other so much that they largely put the other person first. They didn't work on their relationship from the point of view of their own ego. They didn't tell each other that "their needs weren't being met" and all that bunk.

Tom calls Pamela, his wife, "The One." But he and Pamela met up in NPMR to see if their goals would coincide. And it isn't that there relationship isn't work. They work together toward the goals that are important to them both. It takes a lot of selflessness not selfishness.

To think like that is to live out of your ego and only worry about yourself. Change yourself and don't worry about whether or not you are married to the wrong person, and your soul mate is out there waiting for you. She/he isn't. If you evolve the quality of your consciousness your relationship will get better or end. It is the way things work out.


Intuitive Soul and Friends with Laurie Huston – June 28, 2013
viewtopic.php?f=19&t=8483&p=75380#p75380

TOM:

A lot of times people ask me for advice. “How should I do this?” “My girlfriend’s doing that.” “Now what should I do?” and so on. And I like to avoid giving people advice. I don’t like to be in that role of “advice giver.” Because what I find out is that people are looking for something to “do.” Something that will fix their life, or make life be some way they think is better, or make life in some way that is better for them. That’s what they want to do. And as long as they approach it that way, whatever I tell them is not going to work. It’s because they’re not really looking for a real solution. They’re looking for, (you know we talk about “paper tigers” aren’t real tigers,) a paper solution. They’re looking for a way to “feel” better but not a way to actually “be” better. What you have to change is yourself at the being level.

They don’t come to me and say, “Tom, how can I be better? How can I be a better person?” That’s not their problem. They’re focused on their story which is, “Tom, my girlfriend is doing this or that, or my wife, or my boss, or just life in general. And they’re doing all these things that upset me and make me unhappy. What can I do about fixing them; fixing my life?” They don’t focus on fixing themselves. It’s always about what they can change in the outside world to make them happier. And they want me to give them a prescription of something “to do”; whereas the real solution is really something “to be.” They have to change who they are. Often they’re people who go from one advice giver to the next. They’re asking everybody, “What do you think?” They’re reading all the books. They’re going to the courses, and the workshops, and reading things on the Internet. Because they’re looking for the right prescription of what to do - how to fix life to make it better. And it just doesn’t work like that. They should be trying to figure out how to fix themselves. Because if they could fix themselves and get rid of that fear and ego, then suddenly their life is a life of joy. It’s a life of positive things not negative things.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 8:56 pm 
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I faced this situation about a year ago. I would second omcasey in the following sentiment: you can't really get it "wrong". You're going to have to learn the same lessons either way.

------------

@Sainbury - I'm curious. In a general sense it makes sense to me that changing yourself is the solution to changing your life. As within, so without.

That being said, I'm continually surprised at how much external circumstances influence my happiness.

This obviously happens less the more a person grows, but until then, it does make a big difference.

And even given the fact that external circumstances seem to flow from internal ones, eventually the person must make the decision to change the external situation. It comes from internal change, but the decision must be made.

It seems that it would be easy to trick oneself into staying in a bad situation because "just the internal has to change".

At some point, external changes do need to be made.

*edit*

I just happened to load up the second half of this right after finishing my post. Super relevant.

[Youtube]https://youtu.be/-aoSvDKiHtM?t=1h10s[/Youtube]


Last edited by Spry on Mon Jan 16, 2017 4:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 12:18 pm 
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And even given the fact that external circumstances seem to flow from internal ones, eventually the person must make the decision to change the external situation. It comes from internal change, but the decision must be made.
I don't know what you mean by this. External circumstances are largely random. You can effect the Probable Future database depending upon the probabilities. Yes, you can make lots of free will decisions. But making those decisions on external circumstances, and thinking that they will change internal problems, is a fallacy. It just doesn't work that way.

So what you can really change is yourself. Often other problems are solved automatically when you do this.

It is like the person who marries one person after another thinking that a change in spouse will solve their problems. When really the problem is them.
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That being said, I'm continually surprised at how much external circumstances influence my happiness.
There is nothing wrong with having a place to live, plenty to eat, etc. But if you measure your happiness by what you can acquire, you will have a hard time evolving the quality of your consciousness. Because it is the wrong place to focus your Intent. Rather look at the Intents behind the decisions you make. Are they all ego based? That is the place to start.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2017 4:12 am 
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Sainbury -

Perhaps my post was less clear than it could have been.
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I don't know what you mean by this. External circumstances are largely random. You can effect the Probable Future database depending upon the probabilities. Yes, you can make lots of free will decisions. But making those decisions on external circumstances, and thinking that they will change internal problems, is a fallacy. It just doesn't work that way.
I agree. I think this is pretty clear to anyone familiar with Tom's work.

My point is: choices that affect the (virtual) external world must be made. As we grow, we improve our intents AND ostensibly perform more skillful external actions. A better intent may lead to a different decision. In some cases that might mean leaving a relationship, in others it might mean staying and working on it. Either way, an action must be taken.

The things we do are less important than why we do them. But again, better intents usual entail better actions. Actions must be taken.
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There is nothing wrong with having a place to live, plenty to eat, etc. But if you measure your happiness by what you can acquire, you will have a hard time evolving the quality of your consciousness. Because it is the wrong place to focus your Intent. Rather look at the Intents behind the decisions you make. Are they all ego based? That is the place to start.
This is closely related with the above point.

Good intents (compassion, growth, etc) deter us from focusing on material possessions or ego gratification.

That being said, external circumstances matter. If they didn't, there would be no point to having a virtual learning lab (because it wouldn't matter).

While we can learn from all situations, being in jail or being tortured is far less pleasant than, say, having dinner with good friends.

Similarly, leaving an abusive relationship can certainly make us happier, even if internal change is what prompts us to make than decision.

Cheers

*edit*

I just happened to load up the second half of this right after finishing my post. Super relevant.

https://youtu.be/-aoSvDKiHtM?t=1h10s


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2017 12:08 pm 
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Yes, we are on the same page. You make hundreds of decisions every day.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 8:54 am 
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For me, the attraction aspect of PMR is curious. When I find myself in alignment, in harmony if you will, with how the PMR feedback of "attraction" make me feel, I am invigorated. When I am with someone who is attractive to me, there is a creative energy present that motivates me. I am more creative and more (for lack of better words) productive.

Is this a possible lesson in itself?


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:38 am 
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PMRs are inherently very 'attractive' to encourage incarnation. Not all interactions that improve our QOC are negative. You not only need to learn not to run with scissors and eat the paste but also to learn to help each other and as Tom states it, to become love.

Ted


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:29 am 
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Resurrecting my own post to add to what I think I am possibly learning. I have met someone who I am deeply attracted to on many levels, physical as primary. Is it a possibility that we choose situations which will set us up for comparative lessons in the same lifetime. The person I met is also in the same deep soul search with missing pieces of happiness I happen to complete.

A lesson is more clear and easier to learn by contrast comparison.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 9:10 am 
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Yes that is absolutely possible and often happens.


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