PMR is not all fear and ego. it is a place where those with lots of fear and ego come to learn how to get rid of some of it. There is also lots of love in PMR, though more would be better.
Just wanted to ask- I've noticed that there is a theme amongst 'awakened' individuals regarding "ego". At first, I thought- hmm, maybe it's mere poetry, but I thought I'd get your take on it. Many talk about how, when the 'ego' is seen for what it is, it proves to have "never existed at all." Or that if we try to "drop" to ego- then that very urge "to drop" becomes a subtle ego, that's even harder to recognize. Does that make sense? I googled ego, just so I could give you an example of what I'm talking about:
And remember, there is no need to drop the ego.
You cannot drop it.
If you try to drop it, you will attain to a certain subtle ego again which says, "I have become humble."
Don't try to be humble. That's again ego in hiding - but it's not dead.
Don't try to be humble.
Nobody can try humility, and nobody can create humility through any effort of his own - no. When the ego is no more, a humbleness comes to you. It is not a creation. It is a shadow of the real center.
It is so subtle. Its ways are so subtle and cunning; you have to be very, very alert, only then will you see it. Don't try to be humble. Just try to see that all misery, all anguish comes through it.
Just watch! No need to drop it.
You cannot drop it. Who will drop it? Then the DROPPER will become the ego. It always comes back.
Whatsoever you do, stand out of it, and look and watch.
Whatsoever you do - humbleness, humility, simplicity - nothing will help. Only one thing is possible, and that is just to watch and see that it is the source of all misery. Don't say it. Don't repeat it - WATCH. Because if I say it is the source of all misery and you repeat it, then it is useless. YOU have to come to that understanding. Whenever you are miserable, just close the eyes and don't try to find some cause outside. Try to see from where this misery is coming.
Also, your post brought another point to mind. You implied that 'ego' is something we come in (to PMR) with; but isn't our ego largely a product of our early infancy/childhood and our need for security/attention etc.? I remember you saying in an email that "PMR sentimentality dies along with the body" - how is it that the ego is able to 'survive' this transition, if something like (presumably 'childish') sentimentality is vanquished?
The first thing to be understood is what ego is. A child is born. A child is born without any knowledge, any consciousness of his own self. And when a child is born the first thing he becomes aware of is not himself; the first thing he becomes aware of is the other. It is natural, because the eyes open outwards, the hands touch others, the ears listen to others, the tongue tastes food and the nose smells the outside. All these senses open outwards.
That is what birth means. Birth means coming into this world, the world of the outside. So when a child is born, he is born into this world. He opens his eyes, sees others. 'Other' means the thou. He becomes aware of the mother first. Then, by and by, he becomes aware of his own body. That too is the other, that too belongs to the world. He is hungry and he feels the body; his need is satisfied, he forgets the body.
This is how a child grows. First he becomes aware of you, thou, other, and then by and by, in contrast to you, thou, he becomes aware of himself.
This awareness is a reflected awareness. He is not aware of who he is. He is simply aware of the mother and what she thinks about him. If she smiles, if she appreciates the child, if she says, "You are beautiful," if she hugs and kisses him, the child feels good about himself. Now an ego is born.