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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2019 1:32 pm 
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I really appreciate all that Tom is doing to teach us about how to live in a better way. I was in attendance at Krakow in June 2018, and I just viewed one of the Youtube videos from that event entitled 'Tom Campbell: Losing Fear and Everything You Wanted to Know About The Afterlife'. Just a few months have passed since that event, and it’s amazing how little I remembered from the talk.
The talk was very significant for me right now because I am facing problems in my work and he talked about situations that are affecting me very much at the moment. Having said that, I am not always able to figure out how to put what he says in to practice.
At about 15 minutes into this video he begins to talk about how our ego drives us to try to manipulate others so that we can get what we want from them. He gives the example of dealing with kids. ‘How can I get the kids to behave the way I want them to ? We want to manipulate everybody to do the things we want.‘ He talks about how we are continually frustrated because we are constantly trying to manipulate life to be how we want it to be. I think this is often true and I recognize this in myself and my actions.
He says at one point, ‘The way that’s better is that you let whatever happens happen, let people be however they are, and then you deal with it. You deal with them however they are, however it works out. You can try to be helpful, you can try to educate. It’s not that you have to not interact, it’s just that you have to not demand, you have to not manipulate. You have to let it be‘.
I am a teacher and I find myself having to deal with some groups of students who are not cooperating in class and who are being disruptive and lazy. They don‘t bring their books, they don’t do the work, they constantly talk when I try to explain something or when we are having a group discussion. It’s a mess. And I hate being there and having to try to teach in that kind of environment! It’s stressful, it’s frustrating and it upsets me.
So Tom is right, in the sense that it's true, I very much want those students to change and I want them to behave the way that I want them to. I want their attitude to change and I try to do that by asking them to listen and to not disturb the class and to apply themselves more. Unfortunately, I find that is not working and I have expressed myself angrily at times when I get fed up with asking certain students over and over again to behave. When I talk to other teachers about it, they suggest things like punishing the students, being stricter with them, informing their parents and so on. My wife says the same thing. But none of these things has had any significant effect.
I want to find a better way to deal with this problem and not make demands driven by my ego's desire to control the situation. But it's not that simple. When dealing with a large group of young adolescents, they will not necessarily listen or comply with your requests, no matter how well intentioned they may be. So how would Tom's approach work in this kind of situation?
These are juvenile high school students, and they are enrolled in classes because they have to be there, or because their parents want them to do it. I have been given responsibility to get these people ready for exams. It would not seem right to me to politely request their cooperation and then just let them carry on being the way they are and then eventually failing. I don't think their parents would be happy about that. I don't think they themselves will be happy when that comes to pass, and there are also the students who do want to use the lesson time constructively but are constantly being disrupted by those who don't care. Politely asking for cooperation simply isn't working. It's not just about me and what I want, I am there to serve the group as a whole.
So if I go back to Tom’s words: ‘You can try to be helpful, you can try to educate. It’s not that you have to not interact, it’s just that you have to not demand, you have to not manipulate. You have to let it be‘. Can anybody clarify this approach to me? How would this work?


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2019 10:17 am 
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Maybe you could try meeting with these “problem” students individually and explaining to them your point of view, explain the situation as you see it and that you are doing this because you care about them and want them to succeed(not because it’s a mandated requirement). Don’t be judgmental toward them. Have a discussion with them and listen to their point of view also. Try to find out why they are behaving the way they are and see If you can figure out how to better serve their needs based on your knowledge and intuition.

Many of them may find new respect for you and themselves if they come to understand that you truly want the best for them. It’s unlikely you can save everyone though. I don’t know that it would work but it might be worth a try.

Good luck! Being an effective teacher is probably one of the hardest professions there is, but the rewards for success reverberate throughout the world. :)


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2019 11:51 am 
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Let your intuition make the choices that produce the results along the path of probabilistic futures. Be interested in the race rather than the result. Meditate.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:53 pm 
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Llinks to a couple of TED talks which may be useful.

What can we do with disruptive children? | Debbie Breeze | TEDxNantwich

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXSJKIRpmHs

Rethinking Challenging Kids-Where There's a Skill There's a Way | J. Stuart Ablon | TEDxBeaconStreet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuoPZkFcLVs

Good luck :)

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“It’s better to light a candle than to curse the dark” K’naan (In the Beginning)


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2019 8:17 pm 
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Quote:
So if I go back to Tom’s words: ‘You can try to be helpful, you can try to educate. It’s not that you have to not interact, it’s just that you have to not demand, you have to not manipulate. You have to let it be‘. Can anybody clarify this approach to me? How would this work?
Here, Tom is speaking generally to a general audience about personal evolution where manipulation is being done out of fear/ego. In your case you, you have a specific goal to accomplish by educating these people. That approach from Tom can help you, on a personal level, but it will not necessarily help the situation in the classroom. Letting go of anger and frustration is a good thing but letting go entirely of trying to influence things(manipulate) is not necessarily going to be a more optimal approach to the task, especially if a large part of your intent to have them stop talking and apply themselves more is to help them.

My interpretation is that the problem is the educational structure that most students are coerced into which doesn't fulfill or appeal to any of their interests or ways of learning and also your restrictions to a conventional way of teaching for conventional test-taking as a metric of success. However, it's not just a matter of ineffective teaching methods, these kids, I'm assuming largely millennials, are coming from a certain culture and exist in the school system within a certain social system that influences their behavior and their personal value of learning in class. Some teachers use the threat of punishment because fear of consequences can be a motivator to students not motivated to learn which can garner test results and test results are also a measure of a teacher's success. Other teachers try to be relatable and try to be a friend and that can work for some but often doesn't lead to much to kids who use politeness as a doormat.

Being a teacher, especially in this point in time, presents complex social dynamics and situations that I personally don't have an answer for but in these social situations with these students, you have the ability to act in a certain way and receive genuine feedback. My only humble advice is to detach from the expectations of test results, the pressure of parents, who have zero clue about what's going on, and the hierarchy and politics of school administration. Relate on a genuine level, not just as a teaching figure, dare to explore other teaching methods and use your intuition to guide your interactions with students.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2019 2:48 pm 
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Thanks for those replies, they have given me food for thought.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 6:07 am 
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As Tom says, "Simply be, and live in the moment".

Long, but pertinent...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHcxkmwBOJY

Summary:

The total (LCS) is greater than the mere sum of all its parts (IUOCs), much like an engine is more than the mere Bill Of Materials total of pistons and ignition systems. (BOM - Yes @NSA, I know it got your attention...)

So trust it. It knows more than you think you do and everyone's circumstances are in accordance with their intent.

Sincerely,

Martin

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- A Mind without limitations suffers the ultimate of boredom.


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