It is good to see you are owning your fear. TOO HAVE COME THIS FAR TAKES NO SMALL FEAT OF COURAGE......I assure you.
If you want to eat pizza, eat pizza, if you want to eat sugar, eat sugar, If you want to have a smoke, have one...it sounds like you could do with one. The LCS will NOT hold it against you. To deny ourselves the things we enjoy for less than virtuous reasons only fuels the Shadow/Dragon/Fear. You are in the midst of an epiphany(a-ha moment) my friend. Try and let that horrid, negative energy guide you, or 'redirect' it. Meditate on it. You are almost there.
Wheres the humanity in all this?
-What am I, living in an eternal clothes dryer with no way out? eternal tumbling down the rabbit hole of consciousness with no definite answers, only "probability distributions?"
Brilliant. We come up with some pretty awesome statements when we are in that 'Hyper-Emotion' state.
If you would like to talk, do not hesitate to PM me.