its ok ted, what you replied with was plenty for me to process and helpful, thank you
Firstly im sorry for your sister, I can empathize with you for that loss
My brothers death is still a mystery, accidental drowning or suicide, havnt got to the bottom of that yet
That's the main reason iv ruthlessly studied this since it happened, getting closure more now tho
The biggest problem I have, is being unable to speak a single word of any off this to anyone, not my partner and especially not the psychiatrist I got to every 3 months,
The psychiatrist is a medical one, I asked him about parapsychology and he never even had heard of it let alone would understand what id be talking about.im not on any medication and havnt been for 14 months without any episode's, don't drink or do drugs, I just care for my disabled partner and my 2 boys
my mind is just very expansive since this happened,totaly different person to who I was, understand things way beyond my education level and that wasn't much,good at music that was it lol
Its not like my thoughts are crazy and scrambled, they are pure science with a mix of what kinda experiences I have going on at the same time.
makes sense to you guys here in the forum but not to anyone without the experiences or the interest in these areas
my partner is religious and that puts an extra barrier for me to try n get past
her biggest complaint with me is that I can be totally disconnected and distracted a lot, but I have a huge amount going on in my mind that im working my way through so that im not so disconnected for her, if I cant speak about it what can I do, its not just going to go away
im one part normal me and another not normal me but both at the same time,2 different minds in one.
I can only translate this as both my FWAU and IUOC but aware of both, I can tell the difference between them now when one takes over more than the other, im able to have this under a lot more control the more time passes and understandings I get.
iv had a lifetime of ill say "paranormal" things happening around me and outrageous coincidences that iv learned are more than just a coincience , so I know im more than just mentally
ill, that's just not covering my experences , these are ones that happen around me in the PMR
Sensing presences when I walk into empty places that iv been too, got the crap scared out of me several times like that,these were ghost happenings, or the LCS giving me a nudge and having a laff I don't know lol, once something angrily roared at me from the top of some stairs was the scarest one I had, ran out of that house and have never went back there. don't get this anymore,these were when I was a teenager ,around 17,18
around the same time I met an old lady that lived in the same street as me, her husband had died and my friend asked me if id help her move some things around, when I went into the house the very first thing she said to me was "you have the gift" turned out she was an medium, she then went on to tell me I was an Indian in my past life, that's all I can remember of what she said, she was talking to me but I was freaked out abit
When I was 29, that's when the precognitive dreams started, the first was from a dream I remembered from when I was young, 10,11, its was the strangest fishing tackle shop iv ever seen, bows and arrows on the walls with very little fishing tackle, that's why I remembered it, I found my self standing looking at that exact thing, was totally freaked out just standing there not believing what I was seeing, I just get a photo of were ill be or a few seconds of motion, all about my life,they come with a strange feeling iv noticed when I get those.
Then theres the night my brother died.
He was a harbour master and lived on has boat, it was on the dry dock out of the water at this time
It was a stormy night and when I tried to call him his phone was switched off, so I drove up to check he was ok, this was around 12.30 in the evening
When I got onto the boat I had disturbed him doing from what I remember,some sort of ceremony with candles and photos of our family next to them,set out in a square
when I went in he started to become manic, the same way I went after he died.
He was saying that he was talking to our father who had died 20 years ago, then started talking about the universe and god, our family weren't religious in any way so this was strange when he was talking about it, saying he had found a cure for us, why we were depressed a lot.
He calmed down but I had to leave quickly, I had to help me partner at that time, big regret of mine,
Told him id be up tomorrow n we could talk,was going to tell him about what iv said here, iv never spoken of these things to anyone
the next morning he was found floating out at sea
I had a severe shock reaction due to his death and circumstances around it, my body when completely paralized,couldnt move or talk but my mind was clear and spacious, hard to explain what was going on with this part,its ineffable,still cant describe this feeling, being in the presence of something bigger than me, is the best I can say
so that's my story so far, not got with words or describing things, but I hope you can get the jist of it
Nosce Te Ipsum/\TERMA/\\/Sperio Meriola\/Hado Nai/\
EM/\N/\TION / \ \ / M/\NIFEST/\TION / \ \ / ILUMIN/\TION