sadness...

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DJ_Emo
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sadness...

Post by DJ_Emo »

Guys,

I'd like to share my experience so far with MBT. I am currently reading chapter 13 of book 2, Discovery. As I have reading over the last month, I am being overwhelmed with sadness. It's the kind of sadness which is a mixture of loneliness and despair.

Has anyone else experienced this as well? I am staying with the feeling, waiting for it to go away, but it keeps growing so far.

Thanks,
Emil
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Re: sadness...

Post by thynes »

Emil

Your belief system is getting rattled :) that’s a good thing! You just need to work through your fear, I assume everyone on this path has experienced something close to what you are going through which is normal but you will break through this. Track your despair and loneliness back to a root cause and see/ask yourself what you are afraid of. If it gets to a point you cannot handle just go back to the normal life and you will soon forget all about the despair and loneliness you are being tested on :) P.S it doesn’t hurt to meditate, keep the question you have in your mind and see what you get back :)

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Re: sadness...

Post by AscensionAddiction »

Is there anything in particular from what you have read that makes you feel this way?
Subjective and complex content may be difficult for the sender to code and for the receiver to decode without a great deal of error. Mistaking the information received for the information intended is the cause of much misunderstanding.
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Post by kroeran »

When meditation is working, it should make you feel worse at first, stirring things up, forcing you to look at things you were avoiding through distraction.

I would say take a pause from reading the shop manual on the vehicle and go out and do some pleasure driving. Just keep in mind the core principle

intent->decision->action->feedback at each interactive DELTA(t) of significance.

Continue to invest in better food intake and intoxicant reduction. Increase your interaction with nature, animals and humans, to reduce your anthropological stress.

Try to do something significant each day to heal an old relationship. Try to connect with a community of people who share this new perspective, like start an MBT book club, go to TMI or an IONS event. A Spiritualist Church might do in a pinch if one is handy.

Shift your attitude to working life away from absolute material ambition and more toward interactive effectiveness and expression of excellence of art of craftmanship.
Does this PMR make my butt look big?
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Re: sadness...

Post by Sainbury »

Emil - The comfortable paradigm you have used all your life is being shifted and that can be a very unsettling experience. It happened to me several times on my journey to understanding MBT. For one thing your ego gets a bit of a beating as you learn you aren't nearly as special or important as you thought you were. But on the other hand you are much more important to the evolution of the LCS (Larger Consciousness System) than you knew!

It is a bumpy ride sometimes but hang in there. It is worth the shift in the end. You may end up losing a lot of ego, fear, and belief and that makes your life so much better and helps your evolution.
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Re: sadness...

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@Thynes - Thank you for your warm reply. I am also feeling that my belief system is getting rattled. In addition to my despair and loneliness and have noticed a very strong fear coming through. I wake up each morning from anxiety. I feel like I'm afraid of being alone in the infinity, which Tom describes. This digital 'thing' feels so lonely and devoid of emotion. I'm also afraid that I am not getting/feeling any of the love which he describes. My third fear is the fear of being late to the game. I'm a 41 (soon to be 42) and I'm afraid that I have missed out on many opportunities for self-development. I'm afraid that I don't know the feeling of being loved (except by my parents, which I seem to take as given).

This is all a bit strange as I am not new to the writings of Robert Monroe. Also, Carlos Castaneda is my favourite author and he write extensive about the Path of Knowledge (the Path of the Warrior).

I have been practicing a sort of meditation in motion, i.e. trying not to fight those feelings but let them be, while at the same time asking myself where does the fear come from. I have not tracked it down to a root cause yet.

@ AscensionAddiction - Thanks for the question. One of the most rattling places in the book was to learn that I am still in the kindergarten of consciousness development. My self-importance was hit badly with this. I cannot help but think that I have had so much time and so many re-births and I am still in the kindergarten. I must be a very slow learner.

@Kroeran - Thanks, amigo. One of my new years resolutions is to track my intent in every decision of mine. I intend to make sure that it is coming from love and humility. I also intend to embed courage in my day-to-day self-expression. Your suggestion to move to an expression of craftsmanship is so useful. I am borrowing this. What I am not sure how to handle effectively is when I discover that my intent was wrong retrospectively. What is your experience with this?

@Sainbury - You are so spot on. My self-importance has taken a major blow. As I imagine myself being that littlest most tiny dot on the face consciousness, I feel a lot of loneliness and despair. Deep inside of me, I know that the antidotes are joy and love, but I cannot force myself to feel that way at all. Perhaps I need to let the blow to my self-importance sink and let those other feeling emerge on their own. I'm not sure. What is your experience?
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Re: sadness...

Post by Sainbury »

DJ_Emo - It is just a stage. You have been presented with a rare opportunity. Work through your ego, fears, and beliefs and you will come out better on the other side.

You are way ahead of the game now because 99.9% of the population has no idea why they are "alive." Now you know it is to evolve the quality of your consciousness. And your age is just perfect for some boot strapping. You generally have to grow up and go through infancy, teen age years, the wild 20s, and figuring yourself out in your 30s before you are ready to get down to business. The window is somewhat small because as you get older you start to feel you have everything figured out and your ability to grow diminishes. Then you "die" and you do a life review and start again.

This experience is really a very limited reality - you are in fact part of a much larger community.
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Re: sadness...

Post by hellomadam9 »

Hi DJ_Emo, in my experience, you might be experiencing a fear of death/ or non existence. I don't have an answer for that since i feel it too. My solution is to be with people. I think this is a fear you may overcome., but at this time, i don't know how.
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Re: sadness...

Post by Sheep »

DJ_Emo wrote:Guys,

I'd like to share my experience so far with MBT. I am currently reading chapter 13 of book 2, Discovery. As I have reading over the last month, I am being overwhelmed with sadness. It's the kind of sadness which is a mixture of loneliness and despair.

Has anyone else experienced this as well? I am staying with the feeling, waiting for it to go away, but it keeps growing so far.

Thanks,
Emil
Yes. Despite my knowledge I have experienced it as well. It seems most people who "wake up" experienced depression or the feeling that something is just very off. Keep with it though. You are at least opening up your reality.
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Re: sadness...

Post by bailey31909 »

I know this thread is a few years old but it has described my feeling lately, sadness. Sometimes I wish I could just be like so many of my fellow southerners, ignorant of reality, happy to follow wrong teachings, and living life with zeal and fun. But I can't seem to get past this sadness. And my meditation on this issue seems to be the fact that I am upset that I did not allow myself to know this sooner. I have always been intuitive and able to lucid dream, cross over in dreams to other realities, and just "know" things. Even as a child. But I pushed all that aside to "fit in" here in the South. And then I pushed it aside because no one in my peer group would even address these thoughts with me. And then my life completely crumbled and I almost did not make it through the time of grief and struggle but I did. Because of a moment where the LCS told me "this is all a dream, this is not real" and I was able to move forward. And found My Big Toe shortly after (talk about nudges!). But still this sadness haunts me. I can't let go of the "what ifs". If I had really accepted what this world is earlier and allowed myself to learn and become me earlier - there would be people alive today that are not, I really think. My mom, whose fear became reality, and subsequent death. My love, who over the years faded into darkness and allowed that to overcome him and take his life. Now it is just me, alone, and sad. So sad that I don't care about anything, but yet I can not give up on this life. I do not want to keep repeating and not grow. I want to grow, I want to know truth, I want to learn, I want to make my life happier - I just want to find joy in something. Leaving the south is not the answer. Or is it? to be around more like minded people so that I can live out the rest of my life with those that I can actually communicate with? I am closing in on 60 and very angry that my life has been spent on trivial crap rather than doing what I know needed to be done, which is strengthen my connection to the LCS and do what I am supposed to do. How do I move forward? I am stuck and sad. HAHA, call me Sad Stuck Cindy. At least that nick name brought a grin to my face.
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Re: sadness...

Post by Sainbury »

Wow! I'm sorry to hear you are sad, which I think is a softer word for depressed. A lot of times our decision space seems very small. And then we spend a lot of time self focused and feeling bad.

As hard as this is to hear, you are consumed by your own ego. You are focusing all your Intent in a very negative way on yourself. Expand your horizons in whatever ways you can. Give yourself more options. Put focus on other people, animals, or things and less on yourself.

What ifs are completely pointless. You do better, and make better choices, when you evolve. You evolve when you are concerned about "other," and not "self." The way of self is the way of ego. You can only move forward. Dwelling in the past is self defeating. Whatever has happened those people in your past remember that they are responsible for their own decisions. And anyone that has died has moved on from that incarnation. You are dwelling on something that cannot be changed. Use it to evolve. That is what intense experiences are for.

You sound like you have a lot of paranormal gifts and can have a strong connection to the Larger Consciousness System. Ask your guides for help in getting you out of this funk. Volunteer for an organization that helps animals or people. Think about moving forward. Think about the Intent behind the choices you are making. Are they all based on fears, expectations, and ego? Make better decisions.

Do whatever you have to in order to move forward - including seeing a therapist if necessary. Start out by taking some small steps. If you ask for help, the LCS will facilitate some opportunities for you.
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Re: sadness...

Post by Ted Vollers »

Cindy,

You are thinking incorrectly in a few ways. Moving somewhere out of the South will not get you away from negative and limited viewpoint people. People are very much the same everywhere statistically. If you are disinclined to want to go to an MD and be diagnosed and prescribed for depression, there are alternatives. Since you have made it through 60 years without this, it doesn't sound like you are deeply clinically depressed or your history as you recite it might have already taken you out 'the easy way'. If you are disinclined towards medical treatment and prescription medications, there are however effective herbal and alternate approaches that are not expensive and sitting on your grocers or pharmacists shelf and requiring no prescription. Here is a page from the Mayo Clinic with a fairly well known list: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-cond ... q-20058026 You can find other such lists on the Internet and other suggestions such as exercise and other changes that tend to help.

Another suggestion for you is to find out what your personality type is from a site on the Internet. There are free sites available on the Internet still, although some are starting to charge. I think that you will very possibly find that you are one of the Idealist types which puts you very into iNtuition and the sub types are known as Teachers, Counselors, Champions (for others) and Healers who all tend towards being oriented towards helping and taking care of others. If you do this, you might find out that you suddenly understand isolation of the past, as Idealists are a small minority at 14% of the population total, and you might also find new vistas opening up as you see what your natural proclivities are. You can download a paper I wrote on this here: https://files.acrobat.com/a/preview/bbc ... acd3f5189a You might find it interesting and informative.

Once you have taken care of these things above, you might look into what you can do for others, just as Linda has suggested above. You don't have to wait. I was just thinking in terms of some help emotionally and then figuring out the optimal direction first. I am just guessing from little data when I suggest you might be an Idealist. For all I really know you might be a frustrated Artisan who might find dance classes or art classes or making things like ceramics or crafts more in your line. And there are yoga classes, even in the deep South now days. You might even find classes on shamanism or just buy a book on 'ecstatic trance postures' and you can go it alone with a recording of drumming or rattling for shamanic purposes. Now days, again even in the deep South, you can find shamans as this is a reviving knowledge. You need to think in terms of 'the first day of the rest of your life'.

Ted
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Re: sadness...

Post by bailey31909 »

I thank all for the input and I agree. I am an idealist and I do tend to focus too much on myself. I also will take the advice and start focusing more on others and expand my world. I also found out a couple of hours ago that a soul family life long friend of mine died Saturday, and that is when this latest sadness really hit hard.
I do tend to focus on me lately, but not realizing it till I sit and contemplate.
When I focus on others I do find purpose, but then my ego hits and says that I have nurtured others all my life for what? LOL. I think my guides may have been preparing me for the news I got today, and it also explains the lights flickering in my house, and that blanket of heavy sadness.
I do have depression and do see a therapist. both good suggestions, and I take a mild anti-depressant. But after reading the responses, I am able to step outside myself and see the focus was on me and how I felt.
That ego is sly I tell ya. And being here in the south - well, there is a need for more open minded thinkers and maybe they are here and I just need to find them. So I will.
Thank you to all. I think I am going to be okay. Although I will admit at times, I wish I could be just a blind follower instead of an independent thinker, but I also believe there is a reason I am so connected. So my plan is to find out what that reason is and to be of service to others - and then I truly think my sadness will go as my ego gets less of a hold on me.
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Re: sadness...

Post by Sainbury »

I also found out a couple of hours ago that a soul family life long friend of mine died Saturday, and that is when this latest sadness really hit hard.
Condolences on your loss.

But from your friend's point of view, he/she has transitioned to the after death reality data stream. And from there will re-orient to his/her IUOC, (the oversoul.) Then a life review and a plan for a new experience.

So your sadness is for the loss of that person in your life. The person is fine and moving on. With little time, I hope you will just remember the nice things about the person, and not that they moved on with their existence.
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Re: sadness...

Post by m3rlinambrosious »

Sheep wrote: Sat Jul 12, 2014 3:32 pm
DJ_Emo wrote:Guys,

I'd like to share my experience so far with MBT. I am currently reading chapter 13 of book 2, Discovery. As I have reading over the last month, I am being overwhelmed with sadness. It's the kind of sadness which is a mixture of loneliness and despair.

Has anyone else experienced this as well? I am staying with the feeling, waiting for it to go away, but it keeps growing so far.

Thanks,
Emil
Yes. Despite my knowledge I have experienced it as well. It seems most people who "wake up" experienced depression or the feeling that something is just very off. Keep with it though. You are at least opening up your reality.
This really nailed it for me. I've been looking for a discussion like this. The "feeling that something is just very off", the "coldness of the system", feeling so alone, meaningless, it seems the only antidote is time and love?
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