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PostPosted: Sat Dec 07, 2019 1:59 am 
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Hey Guys,

this thread is already getting huge, now wanna start adding my stuff to it, maybe some information can b shared that is helpful to others. I was always thinking my doing is not something worth mentioning, but that intent to regularly writing it down here might help make things clearer for me:

My meditation is more like an off on relationship. As I feel a heavyness in my head or just feel tired or in any way irritated I sometimes close my eyes or rather do it with opened eyes as somehow the not controlled looking of my eyes is calming and distracting. As I do this I can contemplate very fast and get a Meditation state almost everywhere. Then asking myself without telling the sentence intellectually the communication with my intuition or guides or whatever is very fast.

I still got problems discerning whats from me and whats not. I'll keep having the Intent to be loving and caring and other thoughts and interpretations that don't go that way are more of a doorway of understanding. I am currently in a phase where a lot of disturbance can occur in mindspace which I just ignore. It is probably due to my inconsistent sport attitude and undisciplined manner in many ways. That is one of my facets this life, continously stopping when there is some kind of hurlde to overcome. Really hard for me to stay motivated for specific things. Even stuff I love like music or writing.

Gonna periodically report here every week so that I start disciplining myself and having a stronger Intent to stay with something for a longer time. Otherwise I just feel not accomplishing anything.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2019 11:39 am 
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I think you'll find that to be very clarifying and helpful. Writing down my thoughts certainly helps me in that regard. Additionally, I find it easier to detach myself from the action and look at my thoughts from other perspectives.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 2:41 am 
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@warriorbutterfly I'll watch how that process changes my Meditation.

So over the last Week meditating over longer periods of time. Like 60 to 60 minutes. Feeling a very pleasent peace coming fast after some minutes.
Body feeling changes as I let go more and more of my thoughts. It sometimes shifts its feeling to some wabbling sensation.
I see what patterns still occure that catch my attention.
Those are normally concerned about some future event I am afraid of or something I have to do.
The most difficult thing is to see they thoughts that comment on the thought occured before as if
I am commenting it and that is often believed in and how strange fast the feeling comes that I am awake or in my body.
The switch back goes fast though as I can see also that and jump rght out of it.

>>My intention for meditation for my next week will be facing fears imaginary and getting led by my guids and building trust.<<

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2020 2:30 pm 
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So this was an epic start in the new year, hope you all doing well!

My meditation got better over the holidays, I am more calm, the Focus is better and my thoughts don't bother me anymore, I even invite them to see where all my attachements are and how I work as a Human being.
I can be very calm in many situations. What I am still unclear about is anger and if I am surpressing it. For example in situations were other people accuse me for doing something wrong getting upset.
I know I have trouble staying in my truth and not letting the irritable force of others influence my behaviour since my self-esteem was kinda low for a long time.
I had one encounter with a good friend where I was able to stay calm while he was upset about something I did wrong in his perspective.
So now thoughts come in that go through scenarios in which I state my position more strongly and accuse the other person of not being reflective enough to see their own mistake. With that thought a feeling of anger comes with it. I brush that off as ego stuff and move on.

And in meditation specifically when auditory information comes in my intellect jumps right in and the excitement of "oh it is working" brings me back to more thoughts. I see that and go back into observing again. This will be harder then just observing what is because of the attachement of going "out of body". Since I still have a lot of intellectual concepts my intellect wants to know so badly how it works. I mean the intellect is programmed to understand. I overcame a lot of judgemental thoughts about others which interfered with conversations strongly.

>> The Intention now for me is staying in the experiencing mode without conceptualizing and interpreting. That seems to be hard though :D

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