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PostPosted: Wed Nov 05, 2008 4:24 pm 
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I can't wait any longer to ask this question. (I am not done with the book, but it doesn't matter I don't think you talk about this but on one chapter and I already read that)
So here is goes:

How do you recognize the "one"?
According to you and your book you were told, but if you would have not been told how would you would have known that this one was the "one" person for you?
Thank you... (I am dying here, long story on my end to tell right now)


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 05, 2008 7:40 pm 
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Nelly
Try this link for now. viewtopic.php?f=5&t=2772&hilit=love+the+one

Love
Bette

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 05, 2008 8:10 pm 
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Quote:
Nelly
Try this link for now. viewtopic.php?f=5&t=2772&hilit=love+the+one

Love
Bette
Thanks Bette, I already read that but it is not quiet the answer to my question.

Trust me I think I already looked at all posts (glanced) looking for the answer I need, in fact I have researching this issue for a couple of years now and I still get different points of view.
I would like to know Tom's now because he was "told" and I need to know if "feelings" play a special part in this equation.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 05, 2008 11:35 pm 
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Nelly,

You may not be aware that Tom is traveling and lecturing at this moment so he may not have the forums available for a few days. You indicate that this is urgent and distressing you at the moment so I will make my own offering of information to see if it can serve as a stopgap until Tom becomes available. Otherwise I would just wait for Tom to reply as you requested. The following is a quotation from my chapter on Intent and Self Concept.

"our Intent can enable us to develop an interaction with another individuated being operating entirely on a free will basis with whom we can interact, share information, learn from and each develop the quality of our being. This is so whatever the specifics of the virtual reality situation might be."

I specifically wrote this on a general basis, but I had in mind including the concept of a soul mate. Recognition of someone as "the one" requires a combination of time to develop the communication to the point that the scope of interaction enables this recognition. This recognition also requires the personal development of the two individuals involved to the point that they can recognize the existence of this possibility between them as described within the quotation above. Certainly at least one of the individuals must be developed to this level in order to recognize the potential within the other, if that other person is not yet at such a point of development. This is very much a matter of the development of trust between the two individuals.

This is a matter totally beyond PMR concepts of love as Eros. So the feelings commonly attributed to love, or being in love, do not reliably tell us anything. They may be present, but they don't tell us anything deeper about the other person or the real potentials of the relationship. The more extreme feelings attributed to love as Eros are in fact not likely to be present because this will not be a relationship based upon your need, but upon having the best intent possible toward the other person. But what is reliable as an indicator would be reciprocal trust to the point that honesty in response is possible. Then it is a matter of examining your Intent towards the other person. Do you want them to develop fully according to their own free will, even if to the detriment of your free will? In simpler terms, do you want the very best possible for that person to the point of giving up your personal needs you might feel towards them? Do you also understand from that other person that they want the very best for you as well? It is entirely possible for such a relationship to exist between beings who do not have nor ever will have any PRM sexuality aspect to their relationship. Platonic love, if you will. Being both male, both female or male and female in PMR terms is not a necessary aspect of the situation.

You may have feelings of familiarity with this person unrelated to actual time and information exchange, depending upon your intuition. You may have a feeling of knowing them before and perhaps suspecting a past life interaction. But these feelings are not an adequate basis for action. You must test them by asking guides in meditation. And you must know the degree of reliability of such interactions for you as what you want may well interfere in the transfer of information. Beware of fantasy and desire! The greatest thing you must beware of is your own desire or need for such a relationship. The best test for finding "the one" is that you can step beyond any immediate need you may feel in order not to falsify the potentials of the relationship. That you can delay and not push things because of your intensity of PMR based need. This kind of relationship must unfold with time more than being a matter of sudden recognition and bang, you know and everything happens at once. Not because you feel no need or urgency, but you subordinate this to your desire for the right thing to happen for the benefit of the other. You don't want to make any mistakes and do harm. But also from a position of complete trust, you can work through all of these questions together by communication.

Now this is not likely what you want to hear in a situation that you consider urgent. But it is that very sense of urgency you convey that compels me to be so wordy and picky. I am also compelled to 'first do no harm'. I think that you will find that Tom also will wish to do no harm. And perhaps he can provide a more clear cut way to understand whether 'this is the one' or not. But you will have to wait until he is available for that.

Sincerely,
Ted


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 9:38 am 
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well the sense of urgency was there because I get frustrated when life plays games on me around this one guy, but yes of course I could wait for an answer I have been waiting forever to find "the one" that some more days is not going to kill me , even know it feels like it hahaha

I see what you are saying but it seems that emotions would be involved in here a little more.
Yes, I want the best for him, even if it is not with me :(
Yes I had the feeling of knowing him before and familiarity which is one of the reasons I started this search.
But there has been a lot more incidents around him and dreams becoming true or premonitions that keep making me wonder why him and not someone else?
And most important why doesn't he have these same feelings? shouldn't the one have the same way of recognizing me as I think I can recognize him?

Again, I wish I had more time this morning to actually put up some examples but I need to run, I'll be back later though.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 12:16 pm 
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MySgMyLuv said: And most important why doesn't he have these same feelings?

My experience has been that this is the most important thing, reciprocity. While it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all (they say), it is obviously not "The One" when this happens. Reciprocity, if it isn't there it isn't. Letting him/her go will either enable you to move on, or it will have the other realize the change (you having really let it go rather than the game of letting it go) to adjust their behavior towards attending to you, or not. Believe me I am not one to give relationship advice because I haven't ever had a healthy one, but reciprocity seems key for what it is worth.

Love
Bette

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 1:10 pm 
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Quote:
MySgMyLuv said: And most important why doesn't he have these same feelings?

My experience has been that this is the most important thing, reciprocity. While it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all (they say), it is obviously not "The One" when this happens. Reciprocity, if it isn't there it isn't. Letting him/her go will either enable you to move on, or it will have the other realize the change (you having really let it go rather than the game of letting it go) to adjust their behavior towards attending to you, or not. Believe me I am not one to give relationship advice because I haven't ever had a healthy one, but reciprocity seems key for what it is worth.

Love
Bette
Yes, I totally understand this and I have had this happen to me before one time where an ex-boyfriend fell in love with another woman and it hurt but I knew that was it and I moved on but this case is different what I really meant to say is I know he has something for me I just don't understand the degree of it, if that makes sense.

I know this is difficult because I am not opening up with all the facts to better understand the situation but I can't really do this.
All I really want to know is the answer to the original question so I can reflect on it and see what I can come up with and whatever happens , happens from there.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 2:14 pm 
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Ok, just throwing out thoughts (pieces of puzzles). By saying that to you it put it more firmly in my head, thanks.

Love
Bette

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Consciousness.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 4:39 pm 
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Hi Nelly. I have experienced this before and think he is a soul you've been close to in other lifetimes. You feel it so strongly because you are a bit more evolved and down underneath you remember. If he doesn't feel it too, it is probably not meant to be. Take joy in the wonder of recognizing someone who has been here before with you. When you meet the "One" you will both know. Its hard to wait, but worth it. It was 46 years before I met mine, and we both knew right away. We were married a year later on a beach in Hawaii and our lives have been better than we ever dreamed they could be. My best wishes for this to someday come to you too.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 8:46 pm 
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ok.

Thank you for the wishes.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 7:10 am 
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Sorry to jump in here Nelly, but I've been wondering this myself.

What are those feelings of "love", you know the one that makes your heart pound and you feel like your lighter than air? I believe that love has to be worked out as it's not something that just happens. But that don't help to explain the twitterpated feelings of love. It's been so long ago since I felt that way it's hard to remember what it was like, but do recall it was better than any drug out there. The sensation of euphoria was amazing, but like drugs and alcohol it only last for a short time. You realise that the love you felt wasn't really there when they leave your life. I've felt this feeling from time to time, but without any kind of relationship. It's a brief moment, then bang my heart starts to race. I thought it may be something to do with beauty, but seen enough pretty faces it doesn't seem likely. So what are these feelings we get, what are they for, and why do they manifest?

Shin


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 8:31 am 
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To all,

Please note that I specifically said that feelings associated with PMR love exist and may well be felt when you potentially encounter 'the one'. But as in my frequent party pooper mode, I must point out that these feelings tell you nothing reliable about whether you have encountered 'the one' or not. They are PMR artifacts of PMR neurochemistry, biology and programming. Unless underlaid and supported by the deeper feelings of Intent that I described above, you can find them to be very transient, prone to evaporation with the dew of the morning after. They may provide a feeling of intensity and rightness, but they do not discriminate between what proves with time to be a transient feeling of attraction and what proves to be a true soulmate relationship. That difference can only be proven by the actual test of time. For it to be the reverse, then PMR reality must be the Fundamental Reality, but we should know that it is not. It is a deliberately created VR, designed by its rule set to be more intense than NPMR or the true Fundamental Reality of AUM/The One Consciousness. Intended by it's design to provide more potential for intense interaction and thus rapid growth potential.

Having the hots for someone here in PMR does not tell you that they are or might possibly be 'the one' for you. That you have a strong feeling for and about someone who does not reciprocate tells you nothing about the truth of the relationship. You, in both your NPMR VR subset and in your Total Self have much longer perspectives than does your PMR VR subset. They are fully aware of the span of the experience packets that have been encountered individually over many cycles. They are perfectly capable of setting up a PMR lifetime based on this perspective that includes another being that you have known as 'the one' in previous lives, that you still have a continuing soul mate relationship of trust, mutual support and shared growth with but just doesn't happen to be set up as 'the one' in this experience packet. Dealing with this is just another lesson to be learned amongst all the others. Not an easy lesson, but if you do have a true relationship with this being as 'the one', you will be able to deal with it on the basis of being the best thing for this other in this particular life experience. That longer perspective is part of what you must learn: that life does not end at PMR death but only experiences a transition to another venue. Don't be upset if this prooves too hard a lesson in this life experience. You will get as many more chances to learn these lessons as it takes. Not a pleasant prospect when you are presently facing an unrequited love prospect, but fact never the less.

Hang in there. Keep trying. Keep your cool. Sublimate your excess libido. Look for the feelings of deeper love when you cannot immediately enjoy the rush of PMR love as Eros. As Douglas Adams said, "We apologize for the inconvenience!" All meant sincerely, not just being a smartass.

Ted Vollers


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 3:37 pm 
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Sorry Ted, your first post went over my head, but understand it now.

Thanks,

Shin


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 3:38 pm 
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I am feeling a little low and disappointed to reply right now.

I need a break... I'll be back though,for sure.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:19 pm 
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Quote:
I can't wait any longer to ask this question. (I am not done with the book, but it doesn't matter I don't think you talk about this but on one chapter and I already read that)
So here is goes:

How do you recognize the "one"?
According to you and your book you were told, but if you would have not been told how would you would have known that this one was the "one" person for you?
Thank you... (I am dying here, long story on my end to tell right now)
After giving myself a couple of days I still would like to know Tom's answer to these questions from that point on I am almost positive I will give it a rest and not duel on this no more and just wait to the end of my days and then be born again with no knowledge of this issue and do it all over again, get teased all over again and get frustrated all over again.
I may write a book about this.Maybe when I am born again I can read it and something will spark to help me remember that is all set up and we are nothing but actors to a bad movie or an experiment gone wrong.

(Yeap, you can say it, I am not happy) Is that ego? who is really feeling low, soul or ego in this case?


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