Hey brother, I found myself in a similar pattern after a traumatic experience, I was downing a mid size bottle of everclear every couple nights to bring my body close to alcohol poisoning, hell, I am sure I was even there a few times, that was the only thing I found that would give my mind some peace for a couple days afterwards from the unwelcomed guest in my head and its thoughts, but due to the adverse effects it was having on my body I had to get rid of the alcohol, marijuana used to put me in a relaxed state but now it aggravates the situation so I learned how to grow mushrooms and they actually probably saved me, I was at the point I wanted to be recycled, When you experience yourself when you are not in this reality you notice how light you are and the amount of shit that is gone from your head and your back, it is a vastly more pleasant version of you and I wanted to get that back, I slowly crawled my way back up to functioning, the very early morning walks in nature do wonders for my mind. It is a walking meditation.
Some things that also seemed to help me are, 'c60 in olive oil, Ive been on it for 1.5 years now, you can buy the powder in 1 gram amounts and make it yourself its cheaper https://c60redlion.com/
' Kiefer - make it yourself its cheaper, you do need to purchase the live grains first though and can get them from Amazon or give me your address and Ill send you some.
Dont be sorry to ask for help, I hate asking for help and it almost ended this experience for me.