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PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2019 2:55 am 
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I have trouble just watching people where I normally just want to look at them and then when they look something in me wants to go away with the attention.
The same is with pretty girls espescially... is this insecurity? And what exactly am I afraid of?
If I confront myself again after first looking away a feeling arises and gets stronger until it vanishes and the fear seems to be gone. Is that how you basically confront every fear?
Just by recognizing it and then repeating the process that generates the fear and looking it basically directly into the eye to see what happens and how bad it actually gets.

My main issue is that there is a lot of stuff going on all the time in my head.
I am not processing it but it seems like a never-ending stream of interpretation thoughts and thoughts about how the situations might play out.
I often think about how others feel. It increases when I am with nervous people or with heady people and with my grandmother for example there is just silence .
In the past I was good at picking up what others might think or feel to react appropriately to avoid them to be irritated and was fitting in very nicely at the cost of being not authentic.
I wanted to fit in. Now to get back to my roots and to my own thoughts seem very difficult as I hardly know what I want.
And in the past I loved just listening to others and being there just for them a 100% to understand them whilst now there is much stuff going on which makes it hard to concentrate on the other person.

Might that also come from bad lifestyle as I am not balanced right now? It is really hard for me to plan or to stay focused on one thing for longer periods of time.
I can sit silently and meditate in a lot of situations and don't get irritated by life situations very much.
I am mostly calm. But I also have the hinch that I may have intellectualised my feelings for a longer time as I don't feel that much in most cases.
I can deside to be happy and smile and then I smile and soon after the feeling gets stronger of what i relate to being happy.
And the body reacts pretty much instantly if I intent being calm.

So I am aware of being just consciousness with this body as it does everything mostly by itself while I am watching it.
I am just curious what you guys may have to say about some of my conditions.

I'd be glad about every honest answer as it may reveal some blind spots I have not been able to discover.
Thank you!

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2019 4:30 am 
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So many of us labor under the delusion that we are “good” people who love others, or are somehow working toward doing so. Lol.

You won’t get anywhere until you can recognize and accept yourself. To know yourself you must first be honest with yourself.

The greatest gift you can give to the world is to know yourself, think for yourself, provide for yourself, control yourself, do for yourself and love yourself, so that no one else has to.

;)


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2019 8:47 am 
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I address these issues, in my own experience, using this and other theoretical models as a backdrop. I have had NPMR experiences, as well as researched and studied the theories. So within that framework, I ponder my goal.

I live in a polarity between a waking state of consciousness and a dream state 24/7. I am a human being (avatar), a soul (FWAU) and consciousness. The evidence suggests that my consciousness survives death, at which time, I will detach from this reality (PMR) as soul then detach again as Consciousness.

I am the actor avatar and the observer FWAU. I choose to operate from my soul, detached from this PMR, 24/7 but the rule set makes it a challenging endeavor. Consciousness planned this PMR experience and the resulting personal development through its avatar.
Quote:
I have trouble just watching people where I normally just want to look at them and then when they look something in me wants to go away with the attention.
The same is with pretty girls espescially... is this insecurity? And what exactly am I afraid of?
When I deal with a similar scenario, I am the actor avatar (human being) with layers of fear (self preservation).
Quote:
If I confront myself again after first looking away a feeling arises and gets stronger until it vanishes and the fear seems to be gone. Is that how you basically confront every fear?
Just by recognizing it and then repeating the process that generates the fear and looking it basically directly into the eye to see what happens and how bad it actually gets.
When I remind myself that I am the observer soul, I address the behavior as you did here. The FWAU (soul) has no fear.
Quote:
My main issue is that there is a lot of stuff going on all the time in my head.
I am not processing it but it seems like a never-ending stream of interpretation thoughts and thoughts about how the situations might play out.
The actor resides here for me. The observer lives in the NOW.
Quote:
I often think about how others feel. It increases when I am with nervous people or with heady people and with my grandmother for example there is just silence .
This comes from my intuitive observer FWAU. It provides for feedback and the possibility of service to others. I am keenly aware of their emotions and assess the feedback suitable for our mutual growth.
Quote:
In the past I was good at picking up what others might think or feel to react appropriately to avoid them to be irritated and was fitting in very nicely at the cost of being not authentic.
I wanted to fit in. Now to get back to my roots and to my own thoughts seem very difficult as I hardly know what I want.
This was part of the transition to self for me.
Quote:
And in the past I loved just listening to others and being there just for them a 100% to understand them whilst now there is much stuff going on which makes it hard to concentrate on the other person.
For me, the observer lives in the NOW.
Quote:
Might that also come from bad lifestyle as I am not balanced right now? It is really hard for me to plan or to stay focused on one thing for longer periods of time.
I can sit silently and meditate in a lot of situations and don't get irritated by life situations very much.
I am mostly calm. But I also have the hinch that I may have intellectualised my feelings for a longer time as I don't feel that much in most cases.
I can deside to be happy and smile and then I smile and soon after the feeling gets stronger of what i relate to being happy.
And the body reacts pretty much instantly if I intent being calm.
Here I practice quieting the monkey chatter during meditation and throughout the day. I practice living in the NOW as an FWAU having a PMR experience.
Quote:
So I am aware of being just consciousness with this body as it does everything mostly by itself while I am watching it.
Here you are an FWAU. Focus your awareness.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2019 10:16 am 
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I think you are trying to come to term with your insecurities. Learn to be who you are without hiding or pretending. Let feedback from others be a guide in how you are progressing or regressing.

This post from Tom might be helpful.

Stop thinking, judging, expecting, analyzing, comparing, assessing, guessing, second guessing, assuming, etc. Stop thinking. Just be and experience existence without analysis. Simply experience the world you sense without attaching anything to it with your intellect. Be in the moment, observe without assessing or judging everything by how it affects and interacts with you. Do what seems intuitively right each moment -- accept and learn from the consequences -- experience/live reality moment by moment rather than limiting your reality to a little more than a reflection of fears, worries, needs and wants projected by your intellect.
http://www.my-big-toe.com/forums/viewto ... 149#p61149


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2019 1:18 pm 
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Good I asked this question, you really help me here.

Just today I had a tabletennis game and as I was a judge for my mate as he played his game a well known state was soon to arrive because I made mistakes in counting and the usual self judgement kicked in. Monkey chatter mind came in, Me as a FWAU bate in and got pulled a little. As I observed it I got "distance" and I've let the fear go of being not good enough. No self judgement. Focused on the body and the now and the general feelings that arose. The game was over and soon after spontanouity and fun arose naturally. It seems that sometimes the tendency is still there to go back to fearful states that hinder me in doing anything.

As I know my fears I can observe them more and more going back to the origin of the observing self with gratitude. When fear or anger comes up I ask myself why and go deeper finding compassion for me and others. The biggest issue really is to love myself and to strongly stand in the truth of myself.

I will accept that I am insecure in terms of many things and I just have to face them and stay in the Now and be gentle with myself, I am allowed to make mistakes, otherwise I can't get the feedback I need.

I guess it is not so easy and I need a lot of courage.
Sometimes feeling lonely but not really also.
An old believe hunts me, where I think that this reality I perceive is just there to give me a more gentle death approach because I already have died but cannot accept it. While meditating my breath gets so calm where at some point a reflex is happening where I breath in deep again. I cannot let the breath go.

Thank you for your responses. I will be more honest to myself. Feeling what I feel, saying what comes out and not pretending to be happy or anything but just to let the things happen in their natural way keeping a loving intent for myself and that mistakes are ok.

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What you think you are might not be true - always.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 15, 2019 10:08 am 
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I think part of the problem with insecurity is we sometimes think that everyone else is OK, but we aren't. The truth is that everyone else has as many fears and beliefs as we do. So just accept who you are at this moment and be mindful of the Intent behind your actions. And enjoy your life.

Death is no big deal and nothing to fear. You switch reality frames - that's it - nothing more.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2019 12:48 pm 
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Lol, right before I read your post Sainbury I had a good conversation with my dad who made me clear that everybody has many issues to deal with.

And as I made me an orange juice I was seeing that me glorifying others as to how good and beautiful they are, I was actually pressing them in
some form that they needed to fit in order to fit my reality. So in their subjective world it may appear as though they are not good enough too because they can't keep up with my view of themselfs as they can't see themselfs as I do.

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What you think you are might not be true - always.


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