I address these issues, in my own experience, using this and other theoretical models as a backdrop. I have had NPMR experiences, as well as researched and studied the theories. So within that framework, I ponder my goal.
I live in a polarity between a waking state of consciousness and a dream state 24/7. I am a human being (avatar), a soul (FWAU) and consciousness. The evidence suggests that my consciousness survives death, at which time, I will detach from this reality (PMR) as soul then detach again as Consciousness.
I am the actor avatar and the observer FWAU. I choose to operate from my soul, detached from this PMR, 24/7 but the rule set makes it a challenging endeavor. Consciousness planned this PMR experience and the resulting personal development through its avatar.
I have trouble just watching people where I normally just want to look at them and then when they look something in me wants to go away with the attention.
The same is with pretty girls espescially... is this insecurity? And what exactly am I afraid of?
When I deal with a similar scenario, I am the actor avatar (human being) with layers of fear (self preservation).
If I confront myself again after first looking away a feeling arises and gets stronger until it vanishes and the fear seems to be gone. Is that how you basically confront every fear?
Just by recognizing it and then repeating the process that generates the fear and looking it basically directly into the eye to see what happens and how bad it actually gets.
When I remind myself that I am the observer soul, I address the behavior as you did here. The FWAU (soul) has no fear.
My main issue is that there is a lot of stuff going on all the time in my head.
I am not processing it but it seems like a never-ending stream of interpretation thoughts and thoughts about how the situations might play out.
The actor resides here for me. The observer lives in the NOW.
I often think about how others feel. It increases when I am with nervous people or with heady people and with my grandmother for example there is just silence .
This comes from my intuitive observer FWAU. It provides for feedback and the possibility of service to others. I am keenly aware of their emotions and assess the feedback suitable for our mutual growth.
In the past I was good at picking up what others might think or feel to react appropriately to avoid them to be irritated and was fitting in very nicely at the cost of being not authentic.
I wanted to fit in. Now to get back to my roots and to my own thoughts seem very difficult as I hardly know what I want.
This was part of the transition to self for me.
And in the past I loved just listening to others and being there just for them a 100% to understand them whilst now there is much stuff going on which makes it hard to concentrate on the other person.
For me, the observer lives in the NOW.
Might that also come from bad lifestyle as I am not balanced right now? It is really hard for me to plan or to stay focused on one thing for longer periods of time.
I can sit silently and meditate in a lot of situations and don't get irritated by life situations very much.
I am mostly calm. But I also have the hinch that I may have intellectualised my feelings for a longer time as I don't feel that much in most cases.
I can deside to be happy and smile and then I smile and soon after the feeling gets stronger of what i relate to being happy.
And the body reacts pretty much instantly if I intent being calm.
Here I practice quieting the monkey chatter during meditation and throughout the day. I practice living in the NOW as an FWAU having a PMR experience.
So I am aware of being just consciousness with this body as it does everything mostly by itself while I am watching it.
Here you are an FWAU. Focus your awareness.