Faking it/ being a fraud >
I have come to realize, that I am a fraud, in many area's, of my human identity/personality. I am, I would say, in a lot of cases/situations, and with some people, - having to "fake it, until I make it". When, I am being engaged by someone , as in to converse, in casual conversation, and I try to respond by what is inside my mind, and not from a fabricated mind set to appease the other person, [ but not in rudeness or arrogance, - just my opinion & thoughts on the topic of discussion, and in a friendly tone & demeanor, people think I am nuts .
So, in order that I will not offend anyone, or appear, seemingly unsocial , & unfriendly, I have to converse with people by way of not really being honest with myself, > in my responses in a conversation. It seems like most people I know personally, who verbally extend their personal views on anything, don't want to here anything that conflicts with their belief about what ever it is, we are talking about. Even if I remain in a neutral responsive mode in the dialogue. I am not , by nature, a conflictatory person, I actually am quite the other way around, [ I used to be], to the point of agreeing with people, just to avoid any conflicts.
Henceforth , I want to really let the core of myself, manifest thru this IOUC in this V human mind & body, in this PMR realm, as to " live in the present" and from who I am, not what I think I am per the matrix in this PMR, & what other people have told me, & influenced me , and what the majority of humans tell children , what life is all about.
So, I will make a few comments /questions > I have asked at least 2 times on this forum, - about the LCS & nudging, such as in why did not someone like Hitler get nudged to stop him from committing the atrocities, to several million people, and yet the LCS will nudge someone from using his intent to pickup woment. >> Using intent to pick up women, was posted a good while back by someone, and someone else responded back with, " he better be careful , the LCS will nudge him".
I don't agree with, using intent for that purpose, I guess, but what is the deal. Did the LCS, think it was better for itself & consciousness sake to let Hitler carry on with as far as he went, without being stopped, until it was by PMR US & Ally forces, but if a guy uses his intent to pickup a women, he gets nudged. Is there a deeper reason, that was worth the death, torture & annihilation, of several million people, that is more profitable "not" to nudge-[with the intent of changing Hitlers course], than a guy trying to get laid. Which is worse, in the big picture of things. Taking mental advantage of a women, who will probably like it anyway, or the gross atrocities that Hitler did?
Totally understand where you are coming from. In my experience, I think that it is just best to be yourself. Not worth it at all to live your life lying to yourself, and be miserable all of the time.
On another note, I used to suppress my angry reactions to things that people would say, but I am coming to the understanding that that was not from a standpoint of caring/loving intent for the other person, but just to protect my ego from losing its sense of identity as a "good" or "respectful" person. However, the feedback was pretty harsh when I started suppressing these reactions, as my emotions are quite strong. Lately, I feel a lot of positive results when I've started to open up a little more and relinquish whatever sense of control that I've harbored up til now. The feedback doesn't lie, I think that you just have to be willing to stare it down until you overcome your limiting fears/beliefs/ego.
You seem like a good guy to me, maybe some people you are around just aren't ready to hear some of the things you say. Honesty is really the best policy, it may cause some heads to roll at first (yes, personal experience ;)), but I think that in the long run, there really isn't a better way to go.
Cheers, and hope you are able to face those nasty fear-doggies down,