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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2017 12:51 pm 
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Hello, dear Forum Users :)

there are two interesting persons I came across in my journey. The bookshelf of my grandmother is huge and has a lot of good stuff.

Chris Griscom is another spiritual person who is quite unknown. She wrote several books about the body and spirit.

And there is Darwin Gross, who wrote books about consciousness from the view of the Eckankar. I currently read "Your right to know". It feels like the same logic that MBT uses.

Another really motivating and a promising person is John Rose (62 y. o.). He is already helping so many people and got pretty much the same Idea that the MBT tells us. It is just a different approach. He motivated me to make a food vacation with juice fasting and I am currently on the 5th day. Stopped smoking, having great emotional experiences. More laughter, more intuitive actions. He gave me another direction and knowledge, to get on with my journey.

See ya <3

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Last edited by JanPeet on Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:21 pm 
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Hello Guys =),

I just feel like writing these lines. Hope it helps somebody struggling and questioning everything in him/herself.
The food switch and the detox process is a real efficient way to clear up MIND and BODY. -> John Rose | Juice Fasting

I am talking about a solid food vacation. Then you see this world with a different perspective. I mean it is one way to start :D
Ah and this Article escalated quickly, I couldn't stop writing. At first I just wanted a short thingy. Here we go :o
Quote:
This is the little "something" about me. 25 years old now. Germany.

09.2016
Had lost my Job out of idiocy. Not a special Job, just something for money. Metal plate-bending company. Hard work. Good work. I didn't show up at some point - unexcused. Got another chance, refused to learn. Didn't came a second time - unexcused.
That is something I did my whole life. -> (15 y.o. I bunked school. Usually, I said goodbye to family, walked to the school and hid in a little green place, where I stood for 5 hours or less, playing Gameboy or doing nothing. Sometimes I had the opportunity to get back home playing video games while no one could know I am home again. Lie City. I learned too little. Later I threw away my apprenticeship despite getting another chance. I just said, "I quit, you all are emotional weirdos". It started with Chemical drugs. I was so focused while taking these that I was able to just play Video Games. And I improved big time. The focus was crazy. After 4 months I felt apart, tried to commit suicide with and overdose and alcohol. Later I blamed my friends they would have spied on me and they would have watched me while taking the drug. In my eyes that had to be obvious to them, I took a drug. I was going freely in a stationary hospital for "crazy people with addiction". Learned a lot. Came back, found work and my own apartment real quick. Made the same mistake again. Lost that apartment. Last remaining place I could live was grandmothers/fathers house. Grandfather was already dead after colon cancer and an operation mistake where the colon wasn't stitched properly. The House has two flats. I am still here)

TL;DR; - It is still long :o
Drug/pc-gaming addicted, lost work, hope and motivation. Started gaining confidence again. Started drugs and gaming again. Lost work, hope and motivation. Moved to grandmother.
I lost self-esteem because I disappointed everyone including myself. It was meant to be a hard learning process. I luckily had a family who always and will always stay with me. I can't tell enough how glad I am to have these people around me. Not counting all the friends helping me. Some at least. I still am impressed they stuck with me.
Then, after 6 months of procrastinating, I found a Job to make money. Yay, Money. For nearly 6 months I worked there and made the same mistake. And even worse. I stood in bed because of laziness. I didn't call my chef sometimes, which is obviously stupid and irresponsible. I lost the job even after getting another chance. I even lied to them with "my grandmother is hurt real bad I have to take her to the hospital", while lying to my grandmother the one machine I am working at isn't running today so I don't need to work today, it gets repaired. Didn't work, cause my grandmother has a compulsive orderliness. She immediately called my chef, if the machine is running again. He was so gentle that he didn't tell her what I told him...

That was September 2016.
Lost the Job, had money, no motivation to thrive in any direction. Took drugs again. This time they were just the worst. Last efforts of the rc-industry to get something "workable" caught me and threw me away. This stuff was making me awake and tired at the same time, extremely restless and I didn't know what to do with myself, wandering around in my little room changing mind on playing games or watching senseless videos. I couldn't stop for several days. At some point, I had to stop and slept. Next day was a Monday. I met a good old friend and played billiard with him. I felt okay. In the evening a "zip-feeling" started to occur when I was moving my eyes from left to right. It was deeply unpleasant. In the night I couldn't sleep well, always woke up right before I fell into sleep, because of that "zip-feeling". At some point I was able to sleep and dreamed about my friend and me walking around a street, finding a big Gate at the roadside and then I saw my friend getting attacked by a Wolf and I woke up while screaming something I can't remember now. Frightening. Couldn't sleep any longer. Later in the morning, I was very exhausted, confused. Headache. Drove home with the bus. Researched the "zip-feeling" symptoms. Found a drug-related article about this which described it as withdrawal symptoms. My grandmother cooked and we ate together. She told me:"Aw Jan, eat slower". That's what she usually does. I was at an emotional tipping point and just said I can't eat here with you right now and went to my room. I suddenly just started crying like I never did in my life. Like really really really extreme and I was full of emotions. Pictures of my life, my behaving and my family crossed my mind. I was filled with love and guilt for my family and couldn't handle it. It was amazing. I freed my own dictatorship for a second and released some pain I created to myself. This led me to a weird point-to-point movement (weird intuitive decisions in quick succession). I came across a Website Anja Kirchner - High sensitive people. I felt exactly like that. If I look back I would definitely say I watched everything with a different viewpoint. My question was: "where is the love, I don't get this World". I never understood the behaving of other people. So little kindness and open-minded people. I questioned myself since a little kid. I tried to act so others like me no matter what, so I wouldn't hurt or loose them and so they don't suffer from stupid behaving and hatred. I always acted, so often I was afraid of making mistakes and losing control. LIE CITY.
I was able to get to work with Anja Kirchner in exchange of money of course. We talked for nearly 3 Hours where initially 1 hour was planned. I was sceptical and wasn't sure about the Akasha reading. I closed myself a little. But it was good enough to give me the right bump in the right direction. I was still far away from the reality of myself.


10.2016
I felt like reading Monroe's first book "Journey-out-of-body".
[Mental State]
Very ignorant, selfish in many ways by not playing the game, ignoring my surroundings. (had lost my job, etc.). Had no self-esteem.
I was believing in those things. A pressure point is occuring between my eyes. It comes and goes without any wants of control or thoughts.
[Behaving]
Started meditating, tried to get a fast result and had huge expectations (I had one OOBE in my youth I can remember and other weird experiences like lucid dreams) and beliefs. Watched Videos of Bob Monroe talking about his experiences and the Wednesday meetings at the TMI.

11.2016
Came across an interview with Thomas Hasenberg and Tom Campbell. Tom looked so different to me I couldn't explain it to myself.
Researched further. Watched MBT LA presentation. Understood logically what was going on. Deeply.
[Mental State]
Was overwhelmed by the logical force he created in my mind. I was literally blown away :D. Started focusing on my expectations and was too concerned about making mistakes -> false believe.
[Behaving]
Started to meditate a lot and tried binaural beats. Still obsessed by OOBE's and wanted that experience real bad. Lost awareness of some other important things (life). Researched more and watched pretty much all the newer Videos of Tom Campbells Youtube-Channel, especially Fireside-Chat was interesting.
I overthought all my doing and thinking, making it hard to meditate at all. I started judging myself again.

12.2016
I sometimes smoked weed, ate bad and smoked cigarettes and drank coffee. Had no Job and no motivation to search for a new job. Living with my grandmother who is challenging me every day, to overcome old habits in thinking and behaving. Great woman <3. She has her difficult sides. Obsessed with cleanness and order.
[Mental State]
Weed made me feel relaxed really fast. This pressure point between my eyes is as some articles say the third eye. I didn't want to believe this.
In the weed high state I was able to move this pressure point around my body. It was astounding. I felt very good. The relation to my grandmother got better and better.
Was able to handle the words efficiently of one of my nearest friends, who were always saying what he thinks I should do. Earlier I couldn't handle that with my self-esteem and I build up a wall. Now I just let him talk and agree with him. I tried to make him understand my World. He wouldn't listen. He doesn't understand the concept of food and spirituality and meditation. He just isn't aware of it.
[Behaving]
Smoking got less. I ate more consciously. Less coffee. Still questioned myself alot in every way, which was holding me back for quite a while. Nothing was right. Feared the wrong.

01.2017
Stopped smoking weed till mid-January until a brilliant idea crossed my mind: "Hey, you had a great experience with weed and xtc at Silvester, let's try that out again. I agreed to myself:"Ah, that won't be that bad, just a view joints". I asked a friend for weed. He brought me a fudging back of weed with 20 grams in it. "That's not what I want", I said. "That's way to much, I just wanted maybe 3". He let the bag with me saying: "I need to get to work, I'll leave it here. You don't have to pay now, we are old friends. Just smoke what you need and the rest you can give back". Well you can imagine how it went down. 2 high weeks. No real meditation exploration. I forgot about that. In the end, I smoked out of habit and it got disgusting to smoke weed. I had to smoke everything until it is gone.

02.2017
I studied John Rose's Videos and was blown away by his personality. After leaving weed and coffee and cooked food behind, I started getting back on my road. The Juice fast began.
2 Weeks before the Juice fast I weight around 78kg and started eating just 3 Bananas and 3 Apples mixed up for one day. Some peanuts in between. Pretty ignorant behaving. As always :D.
I felt great the next two weeks and started working out again. Just a little. My grandmother pleased me to watch my weight. I seem to loose much. I lost 6 kg. I still felt great.
Researched Juice fasting and starting my 7 Day-Juice Fast. Around 4-6 Litres a day. It was a great experience. Sadly my Juicer is old and a lot of the juice isn't gained. But mentallity has changed drastically.
[Mental State]
Meditating regularly. Couldn't keep my thoughts still. Struggling to find the right method for me. Wasn't sure which path to go in my "thought palace" - everything was just so unsure. Calm in behaving. More self-esteem. Stopped smoking. No coffee. No craving for cigarettes anymore. Awareness grew for politics and scarcity. Some obvious fears and beleives are pinned down and accepted with a smile :). Left my story behind, starting all over again.
[Behaving]
Carefully choosing the right words and tended to overlook certain situations. Still didn't want to hurt certain people (shut down friendship) who are definitly not my person type I could handle long term. ( I mean a gamer friend. I just can't handle his person, but I don't want to allow myself to cut down this gamer friend. He grew with me, cause I told him about some of my struggles. He still is hard to handle for my beeing level.) Waking up bit by bit.

All the honest Literature about the Soul, healing, even food books are coming to the same conclusion. Get reconnected to ourselves and be sceptical. And the love comes from the true inner you. Not the Intellect you.
So now my dear friends, I released a little bit of my "something" and just want to thank everybody who is helping other people with their wisdom and love, to help them leading those into a better "perspective-reality" and understanding. This planet needs Heroes and Heroes are born when you release your inner Spirit. When you listen to your Soul, ECK-Meister, GOD, whatever.

I have one question I can't answer myself for sure:
When some friends are just not good for me, I shouldn't be around them, right? Where he isn't willing to let you be and let you do your thing, trying to tell you how to live. It is happening over and over again. I just want to accept that, but I can feel a wall building up inside of me. Now I am constantly arguing with him in my thoughts that he sould let me be and that he doesn't understand me. He tells me to finally get a job again, that shouldn't be that hard, or move away from your grandmother to be independent... And the other side of me is saying that these argues are tools to procrastinate the work. But I want to work, I just don't know what. I do apply for some low-educated jobs occasionally only to get rejected. But I do not try hard enough. But I also don't feel like it. Oh gosh, this conflict. No Car as well, hard to get a work without a car.

Oh darn it took 3 Hours to write this. Now it is 3 am, I am happy I wrote this and despite my concerns about all the writing about myself I will still submit this thing! Good night =)

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:51 pm 
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Adrift without purpose?

Have you considered some self evaluation or possibly professional evaluation to put some purpose into your life?

If you purchase a copy of Dr. Keirsey's book, Please Understand Me II, It includes a copy of the test with instructions as to how to take it. From there, you can read the related section in the book with a description of that type. There are 16 personality types which are explained in the book. Most people who take this test and then read the chapter on that particular subtype are amazed to see how well their life and proclivities are described. They have what is typically called an Ah-Ha moment of surprise at what is explained to them. This concept of personalities goes back to ancient Greece and Aristotle.

I'm not selling books for this person. This is something which Tom Campbell introduced on the board several years ago and the test results provide a lot of insight to people who take the test. It is possible to take the test incorrectly and not see that the results fit you like a glove. Perhaps from over intellectualizing the test. You can take the test again with a different attitude and perhaps it will work better for you. I suggest this test because of the way in which so many have reacted to this information as a window into their personality and how their life can work best for them.

I'm sure there are specialists who provide administration of the test where you live as another alternative. If you do not find this helpful, perhaps such a person can refer you for further testing.

But the point is that just drifting is not a valuable procedure for your life.

Do you meditate? Have you read Tom Campbell's books? Watched his videos?

Ted


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 7:41 am 
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Thank you for your honest reply, Ted. I really appreciate it.

At first, I just wanted to describe my progress the last 6 months and how MBT affected me. I started writing and just wanted to add all the little things necessary for me, so the person who is reading this, gets a bigger picture of my little road. So that I can maybe ask questions in the hope of a more personal and direct answer. But also just for others, so they see how John Rose and the food change (Juice fasting) changed my life even more. It is just a motivational post. And of course, it was a spontaneous release mechanism for my inner feelings at that moment.

My purpose in life is already coming to my mind with a drastic speed as I told in my post before. There I described some of the knockbacks, my mental thought process and my struggling with my common fears and believes. I also described how much I am already into the MBT theory. I am listening to his first book. Watched a lot of Videos.
And my purpose in life I already feel deep in my heart. I have passion in love giving. I love beeing there for other people. Usually, the people just tell me what their problems and inner feelings are. And even then without any "pressure" they often realise while they are talking that believe and fear kicks in sometimes and they change mind. I don't even say a word. I just watch them in their eyes - kinda weird. But my purpose is to listen to those who were not listened to and to look for a solution that fits for them. Maybe by just listening.

I have a better understanding now, how my intellect and my Beeing are working together. It got easier since the Juice fast. It started with MBT. Step by step.

I am not sure if I even want or need a personality type check. What does it help? I mean, isn't this live there for exploration and self-study. I don't wanna get myself into any particular section, even if it is accurate. Maybe it is stupidity and ignorant of me and maybe I will be more interested later on. I will definitely save your Tipp to that Book of Dr Kerisey's because I don't wanna forget about it.

This article is created out of intuition, spontaneous eruption. It was fun to write. Also, I hope to maybe find somebody who made similar mistakes in his life or had similar thought processes. Maybe this story connects with somebody. I don't know. But this is how it'll turn out. Thanks to some little lucky feelings and clicks I came along the MBT and logic is my best friend. So yeah, I am super emotional and left brained.

Ted, can I ask you a question?
You maybe had struggles in your life too so I wanted to ask you, what your goal setting was the majority of the time. Or did you just go with the flow? :P
Thanks again for your time and thoughts.

Greetings from Germany =)

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 8:42 am 
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I more or less 'went with the flow', dealing with what ever came up to do but always learning along the line of what I cover on my web site: http://www.active-mysticism.com/ This provided a lot of preparation for what happened after Tom and I ran across each others web sites, how ever that worked out ~15 years ago.

The reason I referred you to Dr. Keirsey's book is the number of people on the board who have found it to be a revelation. I have written a paper about it not that long ago where I show a basis to understand that these 16 personality types exist in the 'code' of our IUOCs where they develop to fit our avatars of our IUOC base being to exist, function and interact in our modern, relatively peaceful compared to when we were hunter/gatherers society with our science, technology, power and potential to create destruction. Here is a link to download that paper. https://files.acrobat.com/a/preview/bbc ... acd3f5189a This is all based upon the research described in this book.

Going on, how you describe yourself tells me that you are likely an INFJ Idealist Counselor. That is what I tested as when Tom Campbell brought up this kind of test on the board and reading about it provided an insight into a consistent theme throughout my whole life of finding myself 'counseling' people informally because they spontaneously came around to effectively 'requesting' it. Perhaps if you knew that this proclivity fitted and matched your life and spontaneous behavior, you would be inspired to take the training for a matching profession and expand your ability to provide that kind of service to society. You would also find that there are other related personality types for Idealists related to Healing and Teachers which you might be instead of a Counselor and which roles I have found myself to also fit as secondary abilities here on the board. Tom Campbell told us that he tested as a Rational INTP Architect (of systems, not buildings) at that time and if you read that section of the book I am suggesting, you will find a complete description of the characteristics that Tom displays, including his famous recommendation to be open minded but skeptical.

I was already on this path but this information did make things clear to me which were not necessarily so before. I do not know what it might do for you, but by experience you are likely to find value from the information as Tom and I have and the others to whom we have made this recommendation.

Ted


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 9:14 am 
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You make me smile :). So your post encourages me enormous right now. I have to be honest. The first time I looked up the personality types I was flushed be the complexity of words and I was just not interested enough to spend the time understanding how these principles work. You encouraged me to step out of my fear of complexity and "not-able-to-understand"-fear :D.

I'm glad you are here!

And thank you for the link. That helps me out!

Have a wonderful day ^_^

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 1:02 pm 
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JanPeet - that was a very thorough introduction. I have a couple of insights for you. What you are doing is similar to yo-yo dieters. They repeat the same patterns. Tom discussed this recently in one of his videos. You cannot change until you change at the being level. It seems you are making some steps to do this, but you are still susceptible to going back to the old pattern.
Quote:
When some friends are just not good for me, I shouldn't be around them, right? Where he isn't willing to let you be and let you do your thing, trying to tell you how to live. It is happening over and over again. I just want to accept that, but I can feel a wall building up inside of me. Now I am constantly arguing with him in my thoughts that he should let me be and that he doesn't understand me. He tells me to finally get a job again, that shouldn't be that hard, or move away from your grandmother to be independent... And the other side of me is saying that these argues are tools to procrastinate the work. But I want to work, I just don't know what. I do apply for some low-educated jobs occasionally only to get rejected. But I do not try hard enough.
I don't know if you know who Dr. Phil is. He is a psychologist and has a TV show in the US. One of his sayings is, "When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences."

For us in MBT it is, make decisions and listen to the feedback. You are having a hard time with this concept. My advice is to pay more attention to the feedback, and the Intent behind your decisions. Those things will tell you everything you need to know. Make better decisions based upon what you have learned from past mistakes. If you have a strong focused Intent to change your life, then your life will change. If you want to be lost in a cycle of gratifying your ego, then you will never get out of this cycle you are in.

Here is how Tom defines Intent, you might look at this page and read the other definitions too.

4. Intent is the expression of active will within Consciousness to achieve the desired goal through purposeful choice. Will answers the question “what?” and provides the goal. Intent answers “how?” and provides the idea (plan, process, vision, or conceptualization) of how a specific choice might move the system closer to the goal. Thus Intent contains the driver, motivation, thrust, impulsion, and the impetus or reason behind the choice or action in making a specific choice. Morality is attached to the being-level intent, not the choice.

Making the choice executes change in the system (hopefully moving it toward its goal). The systems purpose defines its most general overall goal (decreasing system entropy), but there are many specific sub goals that must be dealt with by will and intent in the process of moving a system, one small step (dynamic iteration) at a time, toward satisfying its purpose.

Will and Intent are an expression of Consciousness, they are rooted in the whole individuated unit of Consciousness (IUIOC), not just the intellectual part. Because common usage often assumes that Intent is the result of an intellectual process there is room for some confusion here. When talking about the Intent of the whole Conscious entity (primarily Intent expressed at the being level for normal individuals) we use Intent with a capital “I” sometimes referred as “big I Intent”. And, when talking about the common intellect-based intent of an intellect dominated by fear and ego we use intent with a lower case “i” sometimes referred to as “little i intent”. The spelling convention is sometimes difficult to manage among other rules of capitalization, so differentiation between Intent and intent is often left to context. More about the intellectual and being levels can be found below.

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=8713&p=78350&hilit= ... ons#p78350


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 3:42 pm 
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Quote:
For us in MBT it is, make decisions and listen to the feedback. You are having a hard time with this concept. My advice is to pay more attention to the feedback, and the Intent behind your decisions. Those things will tell you everything you need to know. Make better decisions based upon what you have learned from past mistakes. If you have a strong focused Intent to change your life, then your life will change. If you want to be lost in a cycle of gratifying your ego, then you will never get out of this cycle you are in.
Thanks for that advice :).
So I understand logically the consequences of my choices.
I know what would be best for me. Cutting of Computer. Forcing myself in many ways and to get discipline. But forcing isn't the right way, right? As you say I need to change from the being level. Right now my being level throws me back with bad ideas and my intellect accepts them sometimes. So if I really want to change I need to see why I choose like that, see the fear behind it and then? Then I can accept it and the next time when I feel this bad choice coming up I need to leave it and say it is okay to have it, but I will not pursue it. It feels like forcing tbh. That's my problem for the last 2 months. I see my intellect getting all of it, but I don't take any consequences. I feel like loosing my mind. I don't know where my being is. I am so unsure.

Maybe, as Ted says, I need to real purpose in life. A goal, or an achievement that I can pursue which fits my being level so that I can grow in motivation and self-structure.
And I have difficulties labeling my fears. I know some, like the usual.
Fear of
- being left alone
- no respect
- making mistakes
- not being myself
- being fearful
- being not worthy
- being stupid

Sainbury, Ted. I'm glad you spend your time to help me! Thanks a lot :).

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 9:56 am 
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Just some refreshment and questions.

I have a job now and it is mindblowing how my being level explodes in happiness. (Shipping departement of Conveyor belt production)
I can actually test all the things I learned the past 5 months :D. It is actually insane. So much changed in my thinking and my doing.

I always was really nice to other persons and was always looking forward to make other people happy through my happiness. That was always a strong Intent of mine. Make others smile through a REAL and not ACTING smile and greeting and honest talk. That's what I always loved. That people can let them fall by my side. That makes me happy. ALOT =)
There is no problem in interacting with other people most of the time.

Here is the question:
If I get unsure about my own work (measuring gaps or lengths and sawing wood to fix a packet) because of other people telling me that it must be done differently I tend to believe them more then myself. Then I do as they say and it is wrong because they can't know my thought process. So I have problems staying to my own viewpoint and let myself persuade very quickly. In discussions, it is quite the same. I tend to give in very fast. Has that something to do with self-esteem? On the other hand, I say to myself that I can never know it all and override my knowledge very fast. Is that a good thing? Through that, I am always unsure about my own work.
And when people are opinionated and say they love discussing I have problems with their articulation because it is so closed. They always tend to describe their point of view as absolute whilst saying that yours is not right. I love describing my point of view in a way that people don't get offended and in the end they don't even consider my thoughts and they feel superior. Should I just accept that and move on? Because it hurts and it is hard when people discuss like that. It is hard for me when they are dominant in their talking style. Hope this is understandable.

Byebye <3


P.S @ TED.:
The personality test result: INFJ. It resonates with me alot :D. As you said it was quite Illuminating. Going back into my past I see a lot of situations that refer to this type.

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 11:56 am 
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Jan,

Regarding acquiescing to how others tell you how to do your job, a lot depends on who is telling you what to do. You work for someone now and they give you money for doing what they want and in the way that they want it. But who is telling you comes in here. If it is just another workman like you, consider their apparent skill level and experience in judging how much to listen and how much to explain as to why you thought your way was good. Perhaps you do have a better way or perhaps they do.

Now if it is your supervisor telling you how they want things done, you need to acquiesce unless you see a danger that they do not. But then you need to respectfully ask them if they have noticed this or considered that or what ever your reason for doing it some other way.

You have to get used to working with fellow workers and for someone else who expects to have their desires as to how to do the work followed. I'm sure that you can figure it out. As they learn that you do not do things unthinkingly and without a reason, that you can learn and become a better workman, producing more results, you are likely to find that you get promoted with time and move up the ladder yourself. You are probably looked on as having little experience now and must live through that and gain experience. Ben there, done that.

Ted


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2017 12:54 pm 
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Thanks, Ted =)

I usually can differentiate, but as you say, in the beginning, everyone know's better from my perspective. But I made an elephant out of it again.
Cause I was pissed about his attitude coming straight at me while I was sawing wood and asked me in quick, for me in a dominant way, succession what I wanna do. I even told him what I wanted to do. There was a 1cm gap left I needed to fill with a little wood plate. He still said:" No no this block is enough...". I got angry and upset inside myself. I am not sure about that feeling. I can't pin it down, where I can usually see through it.

Ah and ted - I have a problem with over reflecting a lot in times I suffer self-esteem. I think about the tiniest talks and even the tiniest gesticulation to much sometimes. I interpret so much in it. And with it a feeling inside me supports it. And then I start judging my doing and get nervous and do mistakes and get unsure in everything. I lost that behaviour since starting with MBT and growing up. Doesn#t happen all that often because I know it better now. But it still happens for a short duration.
Do you know this feeling? Since your personality type is similar to mine I thought you might have similar thoughts. Have you struggled in life with your self-esteem and your self-view?

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:09 pm 
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We are both the same personality type exactly as an INFJ. I would say that the biggest difference is likely that we have much different past histories. Also I seem to have broader access to personality types that have some similarity to mine which I have mentioned on the board before. Just look at the 'closely similar' types like the INTJ, the ENFJ and the INFP where things change by one letter.

I have worked with mechanics as a helper since I was a later teenager and even in a limited way before that so I have a much longer history of such work and doing what I am told. I entered college at 16 because I was born near the very end of the year so I was always young in my classes. I have a history of accepting directions but also of pointing out a better way if I saw one. When you start earlier and work your way upwards in earning the respect of those you work for and with earlier, you have much less self esteem problems. Your life is distorted in this way compared to the normal progression of a workman rather than from a more of an intellectual family or the many other things I don't know about you. Remember that everyone knows things that others do not. Like your fellow worker criticizing your approach to the 'fix' you were working on. Was he perhaps trying to tell you that it was not worth it to make such a perfect repair versus just slapping a quick patch on the crate and get on to the next job? After all, a packing crate is just a temporary construct which will be smashed and trashed once its short useful life is done as its function is fulfilled by protecting the goods until they are delivered.

Keep in mind that those who have spent their lives as workmen are not going to be as articulate as you are used to and making clear statements.

Ted


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:17 pm 
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Quote:
Keep in mind that those who have spent their lives as workmen are not going to be as articulate as you are used to and making clear statements.
They usually have such a good perspective in what they do. So practical and smart. I can't think of the easiest circumstances I should consider. They do it with ease.
I tend to float around in the feeling area a lot rather than the practical working area :D. But they all are nice and help me.

Thanks for pointing that out again =). I realise that I don't have a broad perspective and usually stay in my point of view rather than thinking how the other person might mean it or interpret it. Something to work on, yay :P. The book Understand me II will probably be of help to me.

Thanks for your history information. So if I understand you right, you basically made good choices rather than bad choices? In regard to lifestyle - like drugs or other things that could distract or mislead. My distraction were basically Video games. And then drugs + video games. Did you have some opportunities to distract yourself?

Btw, my self-esteem went down after I quit my first education as a programmer. There it all began. With fear and wrong beliefs. And I couldn't stop hating me for things. That's more or less gone.

How did you handle bad friends? I'd guess you chose wisely :D.
Thanks for your time, Ted!

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:27 pm 
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I never played video games nor tried drugs of any kind. Remember that I am 73 so there were no such things back then. I tried marijuana once or twice in college but it did nothing for me I found of interest. Didn't have many friends. Mostly stayed away from those who were not reasonably compatible, or they stayed away from me. Mostly people thought my interests were weird as in Zen or Carlos Castaneda or such.

Ted


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:01 pm 
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Hey Jan,


I read your posts and thank you for your open honesty on a public forum about the troubles in your life and the openness to receive feedback to help improve. That alone is a trait you should be proud of.

I , too, have struggled with video games and weed. I'm 27. It seems to be the go-to's for stress relief for males of our generation. You may appreciate some of the resources that resonate with me that have helped with these problems of mine: www.reddit.com/r/leaves ... www.gamequitters.com (and it's youtube channel) and Dan Pena.

Also, you can still make good decisions even if you have made bad ones in the past, that includes an hour ago in the past as well. Keep at it. Don't be hard on yourself. Accept yourself as you are, problems and all, and move forward from there. Consciousness evolution is a slow process that takes time. Lifetimes even. Just do your best in the moment, every moment, and try again the next day. If you hold the intent to improve strongly in your mind, over the years you will grow drastically. Day to day it may not seem very big, but when you look back 10 years, you should notice a large improvement in being .

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