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 Post subject: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 11:19 pm 
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It's been 2 months since my life in PMR has ended. I say this because I've done absolutely NOTHING for the past 2 months that it's sickening. It's like being a self-help junkie constantly improving yourself and then all of a sudden the brakes have been slammed and the car became disable.

At first I tried to stay positive saying "There is a lesson here". Two months later it's nothing but me doing things to justify that my current situation is an opportunity. The only opportunity I see is totally giving up on everything in this life...

Basically I've decided to just meditate an explore since it seems like the only productive thing I can do. Honestly, I don't like knowing about all this stuff anymore because before I was lowering my entropy while being totally unaware of the larger reality. Naturally I was developing certain ideas that were similar to MBT which would explain why I've grown from 3 years ago.

The past 2 months the only thing that has really changed was the fact that I no longer care and accept the current state I'm in. The worst of the worst could be happening and I wouldn't care. I've been in this state of mind before and that was when I had a NEGATIVE outlook on life before I had embarked on a self-discovery 3 years ago.

Currently I don't even understand why I'm still in this learning lab because I'm not learning anything anymore. Everyday I used to comeback home an I was just amazed at certain things that I learned and just processing the data. Now I haven't left the house, can't do anything I used to do that helped me learn about myself and basically limited to meditation only.

Which is why as of today majority of my day is going to be spent just meditating all day. It's as if I'm a blank slate again because I've dropped all meaning and gave up on the path I THOUGHT I was suppose to be on. It's sad but at the sametime I'm not into whining and just deal with whatever.

My question is how would I actually even grow by doing this???

I'm so used to gaining life experience and learning from it that I don't even understand how I can meditate and learn things. For the most part the only reason I used to learn was because my mind was clearer so while on the train going home just thinking about how I went about my day I learned things. Doing that for almost 2 years 2/47 changed who I was drastically, to the point where I could clearly see I was a drastically improved person in monthly increments.

The main thing that sort of makes me sad is that many of my friends feel abandoned because I used to mentor alot of people about living because everyone around me clearly seen that I was growing at a rapid rate. An now they have no clue where I am or what happened to me. Many people at this point assume I'm probably dead because I used to always joke that there is nothing in this world that could stop me from fulfilling my purpose and I'd die moving towards it.

Well I'm alive and well but it just seems like I'm not meant to do anything because I've been bogged down by some terrible situations that doesn't help my purpose and I no longer have access to alot of the psi things that I used to use as escapism back when I was negative.

P.S...Talk about personal drama, it's all so meaningless but all so real at the sametime. The only thing I'm able to do currently is just sit in that state where you it feels like nothing exists. Nothing productive is happening in my PMR life and it kills me internally but I've accepted it and gave up on everything.

It's like the 2nd level of 3yrs again, here I am climbing another mountain. (The start of those 3yrs was the worst time of my life and it feels very similar to NOW)


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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:11 am 
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How many years have you been here this time AE, my memory fails. I do notice a cyclic pattern, is this something you are noticing?
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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:25 am 
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AstralExplorer,

I'm sure you'll get many varied responses, but I just want to say that I've felt very similar recently. A few months ago I too had similar feelings of listlessness. When all else fails- don't focus on "what you should do" or how your "developement is going"... and just kick back and create.

Create.

You are a portion of All That Is. A chip off the ol' consciousness block. Consciousness is inherently creative and unbelievably multidimensional. You are consciousness. Maybe you need more creative hobbies. Try sitting down and writing a poem, or painting a picture, or picking up an instrument. There are thousands of awesome instruments out there that you could use to express yourself, and to impress your own stamp onto the world. Why not Astral Explorer? Why not engage? You can have all the meditation you'd like- but balance that stillness and silence with creativity! Every once in a while it's okay to just let yourself go and create out of joy. Not out of a sense of responsibility! Creation comes naturally, and shouldn't be forced- but you can attempt to focus on creativity, no?

Just my advice. I think you need to realize that your joyful spontaneity adds in its own way to the experience from which all consciousness draws! Tap into that natural stream of bliss that flows always beneath the surface of your individualized focus and awareness. You are couched securely in the greater reality of All That Is. Create joyfully out of that ineffable Being, and let go of whatever hampering beliefs are holding you down.

-Cole

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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 1:57 am 
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A blank slate can be pure potential, to hear me tell it.
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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 4:15 am 
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Astral Explorer,

I don't really know why, but a lot of what you said almost gave me the goosebumps, since it sounds as if we're kind of experiencing the same thing, only in different 'parts' of that thing, perhaps. Well, it may surely be that I just interpret it as to seem alike, but who knows, right? For example, you say:
Quote:
The past 2 months the only thing that has really changed was the fact that I no longer care and accept the current state I'm in. The worst of the worst could be happening and I wouldn't care.
This is what it feels like on my side of reality too. The whole existence has changed the last weeks to something completely, almost absurdly different from what it used to be. Now whatever can happen, and it's okay. Whatever can also not happen, and it's okay. It doesn't really make any difference what so ever. And this has in turn made me question why I should keep on having a job that only leads me to just copy day after day after day, which also will contain almost the same thing every time. In the long run, it's just not any logic in it anymore. And since my fear of not having money, of not pleasing people, of not doing what I 'should', or anything like that don't seem to exist any longer, it makes it difficult to remain in the 'normal' society functioning like everybody looks to be just programmed to.

The biggest difference I see (after what I understand from reading your post) between our experiences is that for me everything is 'okay' because I suddenly understood that nothing I ever do in PMR will make me truly happy. In that realization it seems as if the attitude 'I don't care' came at the same time as an over-saturated feel of stillness, joy and love for whatever is, no matter. Whereas you don't mention love at all. If I see one great thing about having a job that pushes us out in the 'real world' every day, it must be the opportunity we get to point other IUOC's towards a (probably) better understanding of stuff, so they may discover that they actually can bootstrap themselves to more optimal states of being - without saying it in plain words, of course. You may also meet people which know more, and have developed themselves more than you, which is very enlightening. And, frankly, all interaction with other beings, however developed or not they are, you learn big things all the time - both about yourself and how you react, and about others.
Quote:
Currently I don't even understand why I'm still in this learning lab because I'm not learning anything anymore. Everyday I used to comeback home an I was just amazed at certain things that I learned and just processing the data. Now I haven't left the house, can't do anything I used to do that helped me learn about myself and basically limited to meditation only.

Which is why as of today majority of my day is going to be spent just meditating all day. It's as if I'm a blank slate again because I've dropped all meaning and gave up on the path I THOUGHT I was suppose to be on. It's sad but at the sametime I'm not into whining and just deal with whatever.
Haha, as a dude who usually used to analyze everything that happened to me in seemingly every aspect it could be analyzed in (at least to my knowing), I also felt I learned a great big deal about everything. But when I understood that my essential being isn't the bundle of thoughts and that they most of the time are controlled by the ego, I realized it may just be fooling myself. Well, at least until I'm enough without ego to only use my thoughts, and not have them use me and make me unconscious of where I am and what I'm doing in the present moment.

Anyway, if meditating is the only thing you feel can help you learn more (as I too feel, in a way), then I have a suggestion - it may or may not fit you, but has truly helped change me. Let's see, what are you doing when you're meditating? You're probably removing all thoughts and becoming one with everything and so on. So why not doing that while you are living your life outside your home? That is, try to just observe the world as it unfolds naturally, and react to it as purely and real as possible, without preprogrammed thoughts or anything. Then it will be like meditating ALL THE TIME, whatever you're doing. Try sensing that great big gap between this world and your true being, and let that being control you. Try finding an 'anchor' in every situation to serve as your mantra to keep you focused and aware of the present NOW, instead of everything going on in your head - even that feeling telling you it's not worth it since this training lab can't possibly teach you anything more you need. Just live without expectations and thoughts and whatever. Live, dude! Don't be attached to a need for those psi 'things' you had before, or anything else. Just _be_, and it may fix itself in a little while.

Well, that's my two cents of input. Use them however you like. But remember this, by moving about in the PMR learning lab, and not just only staying inside, you more easily let existence (your guides and NPMR-input in general) push you in the direction you need by giving you the opportunities and tests you need at your present level of understanding through different interactions and situations.

.. or I may be totally wrong in how I interpreted you, in that case, ignore this;)


Loka

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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 5:24 am 
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When you don't know who you are or where you are going, Tom's advice in the past, given more than once, is to just stay in and focused on the 'now' moment. If you have any familiarity with Zen studies, this is not bad advice from that direction either. Think what an improvement that is over the more typical delusional background mentation based upon ego, social status, what others are thinking about you, what 'I' should do, what 'I' want, what 'I' have, etc. Even worse would be your constantly thinking about what you don't have, controlling others, getting even, doing unto others before they can do unto you, etc. To truly be aware of now in clarity and without fantasy is an achievement within itself. Many people expend a lot of effort just to achieve this state of existing within the 'now' moment. What in fact do you want beyond this? None of you sound actively depressed. Hang in there and things will change yet again. They always seem to do so. The system will call upon you for some new effort or service. Then deal with that new situation from your improved perspective. Two sides of the same coin.

From not till then,
Can more be said?
Death!

From now until then,
Only now I see.
Who can say I am alive?

Ted


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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:48 pm 
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I'm pretty familiar with this form of angst as well. And since it sounds like it's a problem for several folks here, I'll advance a solution. HOWEVER, it is not in any way an MBTist solution. (I am not fixated on any one model and will dial in anything that works). Neither Ted nor Tom will care for it. Fortunately, Ted doesn't yet know how to craft astral lightning bolts, and Tom is too evolved to use them.

First we revisit the old theosophical model: There's this here clonky physical plane. Then,immediately adjacent, just 'above' it, and forming it is the 'etheric plane'. Beyond that, driving the etheric from above, is the 'astral plane'.

That 'astral plane' term covers a huge range of energies.... some are extremely sweet and delicate and rarified, and it takes an extremely delicate and tender state of consciousness to sense and appreciate them. Oh... think of a quiet phrase of Mozart's, for example. As you get closer to the 'physical plane' the energies tend to be quite a bit more coarse....oh, think, Led Zepplin. Typically relatively evolved consciousnesses find these energies, at best, too loud and noisey, and almost always, highly distasteful.

It happens though, that it is these lower astral energies that really drive the etheric, and thus, the physical. The fine stuff just doesn't have the punch. If you ever wondered why guru types seldom look robust physically, but instead tend to look like under nourished wusses, well, now you know. They are robust, to be sure, it just isn't visible to the physical eye.

I've learned then, over the years, that when I'm feeling like this, it amounts to my 'lower nature' going on strike. And, it's complaints are justified: It does all that it does for me... keeps the heart beating and the lungs breathing and the digestion going and so on... how about sending something back? So I laugh at myself, throw my hands in the air, and re-admit to myself once again that I have always been, at bottom, a 'boots, balls, and bourbon boy', and that that isn't likely to change. So I give the body and lower nature what it wants, get drunk, get laid, sing and dance, and sure enough, piles of get-up-and-go come flowing in. The trick, for me, is to remain detached, both from being greedy and going to the well too often, and also from self-judgement. It's not a perfect solution by any stretch, but it works for me.

Are the energies of the lower astral always this way? I suspect there are ways of handling them that are not distasteful to evolved consciousness. Imagine, the disciplined faith and absolute loyalty of the committed and dedicated soldier, for instance. This is something I have yet to master myself. And yet even there, I suspect the fellow must answer the call of his loins, at times, or suffer weakness.

So, closing this, I really want to stress two points.

1)This is my understanding, and it works, explains things in a results-producing way, for me, but I am not recommending it. To be candid, I wouldn't want my sister to date a guy that did!

2) This has absolutely no place in MBTist thought, and should the eyes of either Ted or Tom pass over this post, the brows above them will at first gain, and then lose, altitude, finishing a good deal lower than where they started. That is to say, I don't think it will be to their taste. If they like, they can remove it even, and no offense will be taken at this end.

I just know the feeling all to well... you feel like a ghost, and pills (SSRI style anti-depressants) are not the solution. And none of the 'proper' solutions seem to work.

-Montana


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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 1:28 pm 
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AE.

I think that .. well, I won't say _every_, but in majority of situations that we are at, there is some kind of reason why.

If I read correctly, you have around 20 years. I was at a similliar situation as you are now, 4 years ago.. im 24 now.. I was so depressed and anxious (really scary stuff .. like, watching my body and have a sense of alienation from my own self.. or shaking .. all in all, I was a mess.. won't go into details right now) and my friend recommended me to go to a shrink.

He asked me if I have anything against medications (anti depressants and Xanax) .. I said no, and he gave me some, and we talked.. every week. It helped a bit, but I stopped consuming that after 2-3 months, and I won't take those drugs anymore, ever.

Anyway, to get back to the point .. that experience I had, was an aditional catalyst for me, to grow.. to learn, and to experiment, and I wasn't aware of it.

Almost every experience, however it may seem bad, has a learning value. Eventually, if you hang on ... you'll overgrow that feeling, and the knowledge you'll gather in this state, will be your prize. At least that happened to me.

I think, if I didn't experience that catastrophic state, I wouldn't be here right now, nor would I be the person that I am today, with all the pros and cons.

Acceptance is the only answer and solution, since you can't do anything about it. Eventually.. everything will be okay. So, hang on.


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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:09 pm 
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The other day I called myself a piece of shit, and no one in my head argued with me, perhaps this is a similar feeling.

My twins are 21 today. This can help me to understand what they may be experiencing, at least her as I sort of create a lot of Arthur's reality for him. Thank you.

Montana your post had two other things come to mind here, for now, both jokes. A girl was waiting for her blind date, he shows up and takes her to the State Fair where she repeatedly asked him to take her to the weighing booth to be weighed, saying "I want to get weighed", he obliged as a gentleman would. They had a pleasant evening and he took her home; as she was having a chat with her mom at the kitchen table her mom asked, "Did you have a good time dear?" She replied, "Wovewy."

There was a guru type coming through town where a gathering of likeminded folks live, he walked from town to town as a habit. Two folks saw him and one said to the other, "Wow, that guy looks like he could use a meal, and Bob, look at his feet, they look like leather." Bob concurred, the other guy says, let me go try and talk to him. While waiting with others to speak with the man the obvious bad breathe of this mysterious person wafted to him so he walked back to Bob. Bob said, so did you find out who that guy is? No, but I can tell you he is a supercallousedfragilemystichexedbyhalitosis.
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Bette

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Last edited by bette on Mon Nov 16, 2009 12:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 4:10 pm 
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Astral Explorer,

may be this can give you some answer to your question. Transpersonal development, Crisis of the spiritual development, by prof. Roberto Assagioli
http://www.psychonautdocs.com/docs/assa ... rsonal.htm
I have asked Tom a similar question and here is his reply to me.
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=2915&p=5607&hilit=slow#p5607
This is another thread that may be helpful too
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=3925&p=12953&hilit ... oli#p12953

Lena

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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 12:15 am 
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Wow, I'm actually glad I posted this...I was hesitant to post at first since my mind is always saying "No worries I'll deal with it".

Bette: I'm 20, an this is a recurring pattern in three major situations. The first time was when I first decided I need to change who I was three years ago. I spent a month of what I considered a nightmare. The beginning of this year I had the same exact problems that I am having now each time my dog died. I will admit that each time I've came up strong and more grounded as a person. Generally I'm normal but maybe 1x every 3 weeks I get that feeling as if all the pressures both externally and internally is getting to me...

There generally isn't any problems in my life which is why I think I have to deal with these obstacles because deep down I know if I never feel into these situations I'd basically be skipping through this learning lab. Many of the people who I used to mentor admired the fact that I was so positive about learning/growing and seeing everything as an opportunity. These situations feel like I'm in a pit stop and sort of forced to grow under certain conditions.

ColeRandall: It's interesting that you mention this because this is one thing I've become more aware of. Because I can't CREATE through the tools I usually CREATE with, (Socializing) I've resorted to writing. I notice myself singing an unconsciously creating great songs. I dance in whatever manner I feel at the moment. On top of that I've learned to ENJOY what I'm aware of. I watch sports, art, and anything else where someone has a high level of skill and I can enjoy it.

In a sense you can say I'm revolting for the fact that I can't socialize with people because to me having shared experiences was like an art form. The way I described the meeting of a new person was as if it was poetry. Currently I've noticed when my mother is around I tend to just FLOW for 2-3 hours straight because that is one of my biggest way of GROWING UP. You can see her glowing internally as it tends to be JOKES with wisdom/lessons I've learned embedded in there. It's surely not me consciously doing it because I'm even amazed at what is going on and I've always been amazed by it. Many things I learned from acting school I've just internalized into myself and express through those avenues.

Bette: I agree, it's always when I return back to square one that I learn something because I'm no longer emotionally attached. I was explaining this to someone before an I now realize how hard it is to objectively look at things when your emotionally attached to it.

Loka: Hahaha, I think were experiencing similar things with different PMR conditions. For me I'm starting to doubt my whole life path because I haven't listened all my life. I chose to go on a path an I accepted wherever it would take me. It's times like these that my mind says "You can fix it all if you just follow the crowd". Throughout this process I've had EVERYONE question my path an I always told them not to worry and how there was no way I could live in certain PMR conditions, it's just not profitable for me personally.

On a PMR scale I'm probably hanging by a thread as to whether or not I sink or float, but when I think of how much I've grown up in just 3yrs it really doesn't even matter about my PMR situations because the path turned out to be profitable. Which is why when I read MBT I was relieved because I was just going down a path blindly an just seeing what I'd become aware of. Despite all the setbacks there is an underlining feeling that everything will fall in place when the time is right for me.

What you described about going outside an doing, that was basically everyday for me. (Which is why I loved going out) I was one of those people who enjoyed the unknown and before I knew about MBT I always thought of the unknown as the secret sauce to making life interesting because as I tell everyone "You just don't know". This caused me to never have any expectations about anything an let the situations unfold in the moment.

When I meditate I'm generally doing nothing but hitting that state where everything is meaningless that way I can forget about the current life I live. After awhile grounded again an go right back to work decoding things and trying to learning things. Although I don't have strong intent anymore because my mind is saying "I need to go back out and gain more experiences" or my ego says "Na, we don't want to bring up this experience...It's old anyway".

TED: This might be why I haven't gone crazy hahaha because each time I go meditate and STOP thinking about the future I'm back on track. It's like I'm a boy trying to tell everyone to let me go hunting because I think I'm a man and really I still have alot to learn. It's like I'm a president walking into the room (My mind) and saying "We still have alot to learn, thank you" and then chaos erupts in this congress like room and people get that slight depression of "How much more do we have to learn?".

The WANT agenda is a double edge sword because it's only when I've just done for the sake of doing do I get. BUT, when my ego comes up it creating comparison it really slips through the back door because it has me saying at times "I wish I learned nothing because here I am getting nothing I want (untrue) and you have others who disregard it and just go get it".

I've never been big on wanting things or very ego based BUT when my ego does come up it is generally in the dynamic of "Do you notice you barely wanting anything and you can't even get that? What are you doing in life? There is maybe 3 things tops that you actually want and you can't even cultivate it...How sad?". An that is where the slight depression starts an then looking from that VIEWPOINT I end up just giving up everything and then it's like I get rebooted. (Interesting that I never actually notice this)

Montana: An interesting perspective as you can see from this post how it may apply in that perspective. It's sort of like how I tend to get sick repeatedly by staying in the house as opposed to when I was sick and as a result would go out and all of a sudden be cured. I remember a friend and I made a pact to ALWAYS be outside whether it was rain or shine and one of the coldest days of the winter we were still out and about and I was highly under dressed but just the fact that I was on a PATH with clear intentions these things didn't really have an affect. My ego is tricky because I've been detached from everything in life since to me it's all inherently meaningless, although there are things I enjoy. My EGO however will use this as a way to get me because again I'd be thinking "I only want 1-2 things and can't even get that so I must suck". (It really is a whole new lesson for me)

0x90: Yep, at times especially in this situation I hate to believe it. Another ego based comparison yesterday was "Heck, I'm in this situation and I'm positive, I might as well be negative and enjoy the depths of negativity since no matter how I feel I'll be in this situation...UNLESS, I take action."

At the end of the tunnel we grow...On one hand I understand it because I experienced it 3 years ago BUT when the ego comes through the back door an I'm wondering how its possible that I can't even get the ONLY 1-2 things I want in life, it's mind blowing to my ego. I start wondering...

"Am I being played here?" It's like I'm having these experiences and I'm growing up. (It's not delusional) But when my ego does a ROUTINE CHECK on my progress it's saying "Nope, you don't have A and B which is the only two things you need so as a result FEEL BAD. I know this because last year I had basically what I want and life was so easy I was just going out and learning knowing I was on top.

When I deeply think about it which is rare because it's very childish in my mind. When I think about that and look at others who WANT alot of things and get it, I tend to think. "Maybe I'm doing things wrong because here it is someone who isn't focused on growing and getting everything he's ever wanted...WHY!?!?"

Yes acceptance seems like the only thing. I've been indifferent for so long but I've had a hard time accepting because I'm so used to saying "If you don't like a situation take action and change it". Only thing is I'm used to taking drastic action and none of my current actions would be profitable than just dealing with it...Everything will be ok...

Eena: Thanks I will read when I wake up tomorrow mornining. I looked at the first paragraph but didn't want to get hooekd hahaha.

P.S...As I type this (1am) I can hear someone very angry yelling at someone. (It's sad how angry they are despite how meaningless it might be) Reconfirming to me that personal growth is essential for everything that I'll be dealing with in this PMR. I just need to see it as basic training for what is to come later on in life. As TED stated in another thread "I'm just in my morning stages of my life"...What just came to mind is a situation involving my brother's friends which everyone was shocked that I handled the situation so calmly despite the high stakes situation. (Put it this way even the cops were shocked and questioned my calmness)


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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:21 am 
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Quote:
Yes acceptance seems like the only thing. I've been indifferent for so long but I've had a hard time accepting because I'm so used to saying "If you don't like a situation take action and change it". Only thing is I'm used to taking drastic action and none of my current actions would be profitable than just dealing with it...Everything will be ok...
Acceptance is - taking action. When you accept the situation, you transcend it and continue moving .. wherever you'r going. And it's hard to accept these kind of situation, especially when one has 20 years. Eventually.. you wanted it or not, you'll accept it. Like I said, there's no other possibility... It took me 2-3 years to sort myself up, so you can't except anything over night, in fact.. you shouldn't expect anything anyway.

Desires and expectations tear person apart, it's the play of the ego. The more you analyze, want, get, don't get.. ego's becoming more powerful. And it's so subtle, that only true silence of the mind, can be an indication of ego's 'death'. Because, everything is a product of thought, every mood, every feeling, everything.
And thought is controlled by ego, in combination with some other aspects of the mind. Ego is the loudest, therefore, he reacts and does. You, as in true I, don't decide.. on anything. When you say, I do this, or I feel like this, beware, that it's the I you only think is the I. It's the Ego which is influenced by colorings of thought, which ulimately define who 'you' are, as you know yourself now. I'm a smoker, or I'm pretty, or I'm smart.. or I like money.

We'r being pulled by our hair, through life.

Goal, in growing, should be to clear up the 'buddhi' or your true I, which isn't aware of itself, because it isn't active.. the true I should be the loudest in the room, ego only assumed that position temporarily, It's the fake I. Anyway.. take a look of this picture. I found it to be very insightful.

Image

All of those aspects, are explained on this link:
http://swamij.com/fourfunctionsmind.htm


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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:59 am 
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0x90,

I'm not entirely convinced that your graph there is an accurate metaphore, but it may be. Obviously, what you're saying sounds right from a certain perspective- at the same time I keep getting the intuition that it screams in its own way of separation. The ego is not somethine 'apart from' - or separated from, the so-called true 'I'. The ego basically developes in response to physical focus, and it is a necessary intermediary between the "inner self" or 'subjective awareness' and PMR. "Ego" by itself doesn't have to be negative. If you are trying to "get rid of ego" or "kill the ego" you are really dividing up portions of your experience and saying "this is not me." It's accurate, I believe, to say, "This ego, this physical focus- is not ALL that I am." The key word is "all." The ego is like the outer most layer of the self, so to speak, and it can be allowed to expand.

There's a good analogy here: think of the ego as the bark of a tree. The core of the tree is your own inner most awareness. Left alone, the bark of the tree expands with the rest of the tree. Within the context of a tree's existence- the bark is necessary. It protects the tree from the environment within which it exists! Yet, if the bark suddenly goes off and decides it is something different from what the tree is- or in the case of ego- is weighed down by negative beliefs, selfish desires, etc. etc. it can restrict the tree. In physical reality- bark that doesn't expand causes the death of the tree. You can see where this analogy leads. "Ego" by itself can be allowed to expand if it is given sufficient data. The goal shouldn't, in my humble opinion be- to divide up the self and deem some portions negative thereby putting the inner self on some divine pedastal.

Just my two cents. Might be totally off- but all in all, I do agree that "ego" does in many (most) cases need readjusting and a wake up call.

Talk to ya later :)

Cole

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Never live so certainly as to confuse your own convictions with what is true.


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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 12:22 pm 
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CliveRandall, yeah, that's true, however, you misunderstood the meaning of above post. Which isn't too hard to do, mostly cuz my english sentences structure sucks.

I didn't suggest ego was something seperate, from the whole .. or that one needs to 'kill' the ego.
Ego has it's purpose, and if 'used' then it's good.. in fact, it's necessary. The problem is, when ego is using you. The ego's function wasn't to be the boss, but rather the tool, which helps to better experience this reality, like ... senses. That's what the graph above explains.

I-Maker as in individuality maker. Something that gives you sense of individuality. Without ego there's no individuality. So killing ego, wouldn't be such a good idea.

And to be clear, by 'ego using you', I mean, limiting your freedom of choice and your perspective about everything else.
As well as your feelings, etc. The ego is the one who feels separate from everything else, and by realizing your higher self, making a connection with "consciousness space" or unclouding buddhi, however you wanna call it, you see that it's only partly true.
While you'r an individual, you'r also 'chip of the ol' aum's block'.


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 Post subject: Re: A Blank Slate...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 3:10 pm 
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0x90,

My bad. Yes, I think we're on the same page. :)

_Cole

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Never live so certainly as to confuse your own convictions with what is true.


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